We all know Daisy is a little weird, what with her third eye and all. But were you also aware that she’s the only prominent woman in the Super Mario series with teeth? Well, now you are. I’m sorry.
This distressing piece of trivia comes from the wonderful folks at Supper Mario Broth, who mere hours before yesterday’s Nintendo Direct saw fit to share this lesser-known aspect of Daisy’s unique physiology with the world. As shown by official assets pulled from various Mario games, Peach, Rosalina, and Pauline each possess gaping voids instead of anatomically correct mouths.
And it’s not just a matter of those pearly whites being obscured in screenshots; their models literally don’t have teeth.
It’s no secret that Mario and his buddies, while looking ostensibly humanoid, aren’t really human. One trip to New Donk City in Super Mario Odyssey should quickly disabuse you of any notion that the “Italian” plumber is anything but a facsimile of humanity as we know it. Mario, Peach, and crew may be mammals, what with the nipples and all, but they’re some sort of fucked-up mammal where the females evolved to not need teeth.
Of course, as suggested by my Kotaku editors, maybe it’s all about diet. Daisy is from an entirely different country, after all (Super Mario Land’s Sarasaland, for the youngsters out there). Hell, maybe everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom gets their nutrients from an easily digestible slime rather than something that needs chewing. You can’t hear me right now but I’m barely stifling a scream with my fist.
It brings me no great joy to write another teeth-related blog for Kotaku. There’s just something about our weird mouth bones that makes for horrifying fare when translated to the world of video games. Maybe if we all share the burden of this uncomfortable truth, it’ll lighten the load for everyone. I don’t know. What’s done is done. I can only hope the rest of your Thursday is bereft of any more troublesome tooth talk.