No Thank You, Animal Crossing Mario

Illustration for article titled No Thank You, Animal Crossing Mario
Image: Nintendo

Stay up to watch the Nintendo Direct they said. Help us with the edits as the stories go live they requested. Sure, sure I replied, I was going to watch anyway, why not. And then they said Mario was coming to Animal Crossing. And now I don’t get to sleep. Ever again.

Illustration for article titled No Thank You, Animal Crossing Mario
Image: Nintendo

Everything is wrong. Everything. This is the knock-off Mario your aunt would buy, not knowing the difference between it and the real one. It’s the Mario that would show up to your seventh birthday party after your parents started drinking. It’s the Mario that looks over you when you’re sleeping, staring, always staring.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled No Thank You, Animal Crossing Mario
Image: Nintendo

He will kill us all.

Illustration for article titled No Thank You, Animal Crossing Mario
Image: Nintendo

Seeker of indie secrets, needlessly beautiful, purveyor of www.buried-treasure.org.

Share This Story

Get our `newsletter`

DISCUSSION

atari-zero
Atari-Zero