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  FIFA Striker Sexually Assaulted by Goalkeeper, Dusts Himself Off and Tries Again

  It’s not the first time we’ve seen FIFA 12’s misfiring physics engine go bananas, and it probably won’t be the last. But for now, this is easily my favourite example of how something so busted can also be something so beautiful Unbelievable FIFA 12 goal! [YouTube, via Reddit]

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  Angry Birds & Draw Something Looked Way Better as 80’s PC Games

  Let’s pretend, just for a moment, that mobile juggernaut Angry Birds and social darling Draw Something weren’t products of the 21st century, but the 20th. That they weren’t delivered wirelessly, but on floppy disks. This is what they’d look like. I doubt I’m alone in thinking they look better Squirrel Monkey [Squirrel Monkey, via Gizmodo]

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  Final Fantasy Meets Assassin’s Creed in this DLC Crossover

  Thought Square Enix was stopping with Mass Effect suits for Final Fantasy XIII-2 downloadable content crossovers? Nope! The latest issue of Japanese game magazine Famitsu shows an Ezio Auditore da Firenze Assassin’s Creed outfit as DLC. The outfit apparently is available for Noel Kreiss, Final Fantasy XIII-2‘s male protagonist. It looks to be Ezio’s outfit…

  By Brian Ashcraft Published April 4, 2012
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  Jenna Jameson Had No Problem Faking Sex in Front of Her Dad

  Back when Jenna Jameson was still doing porn, she appeared in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City as blue movie actress Candy Suxxx. As recount in the new book Jacked, Jameson showed up to the recording session with her father. For the session, Jameson was motion captured as she was on her back, feigning intercourse. Vice…

  By Brian Ashcraft Published April 4, 2012
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  A Ridiculously Over-The-Top Skyrim Music Video

  Some people may think this Skyrim music video is “epic”. Others will think it looks like something you’d see as an intro to a song on Eurovision. Whichever side of that dragon-sized divide you fall, you’ve got to admire the work that went into this performance of the blockbuster RPG’s main theme. If the violinist…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  This Terminator Figure Looks so Real It’ll Ask For Your Clothes, Boots & Motorcycle

  Hot Toys brings the creepy realness once more with this Terminator 2 figure, which aside from some cute little zippers has a likeness to Arnold Schwarzenegger that borders on the terrifying. Standing 12.5″ and coming with a ton of accessories (including gloves, alternate hands, four guns and a detachable hole in his head), the thing’s…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  Kicking Street Fighter Ass For…Child Care?

  On April 14, a fighting game tournament called Fight For Youth will be going down in Norwalk/La Mirada, California. Up for grabs is not fame, or even internet fame, but the chance to lend a very practical, helping hand to local kids. Proceeds raised from the tournament – being put together by prominent fighting game…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  Forget Nerd Rap. Here’s Hardcore Fighting Game Rap

  There’s a common complaint with a lot of nerd rappers, and it’s one I for the most part agree with: that weak production and sloppy rhymes often get a pass because of the subject matter. Not here. This is freestyle rapper Surgeon General showing that he can go through the Mortal Kombat roster on the…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  Sony’s Smash Bros. Rip-Off is Looking for a Name

  The first-party fighting game it seems Sony is almost certainly working on doesn’t have a proper name beyond a working title of “Title Fight”. Most people just call it “that Sony Smash Bros. game”, since in concept it sounds almost identical to Nintendo’s famous brawling franchise. Going by these images though, it looks like Sony…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  More Footage & Screenshots From Canned Star Wars: Battlefront III Surfaces

  It was over three years ago that we got our first look at the Star Wars Battlefront game that never was. Now some more footage has surfaced, and it’s of a much better quality. Obtained by website Past to Present Online, there are both decent-quality screenshots and some video footage of an early build of…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 4, 2012
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  President Obama and Star Trek‘s Uhura Flashing Vulcan Salutes. In the White House.

  As writer John Hodgman once said, President Obama is America’s first modern nerd President. He’s a huge Trekkie and loves Superman. A certified nerd. So when Nichelle Nichols, perhaps best known for her groundbreaking role as Uhura in Star Trek, visited the White House for Black History Month last February, the President and her didn’t…

  By Brian Ashcraft Published April 3, 2012
• CultureTotal Recall

  Today is “Atari National PAC-MAN Day”. No, Seriously, it is.

  Thirty Years ago today, Atari had the balls to proclaim an entire day, hoping to lift its iconic Pac-Man character alongside the likes of other people who have their own day. Like, you know, Martin Luther King. And Jesus. The fact it was only celebrated by video game fans and Atari employees for that one…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 3, 2012
• CultureTotal Recall

  Did You Know GameStop is Named After a Book Store?

  It’s one of those things you probably never bothered to think about. “GameStop” sounds like something it took three seconds to come up with. But there’s surprisingly a bit more of a story behind the name. Executive Chairman of the company (and also founder and former CEO) Dan DeMatteo has told Reuters that he named…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 3, 2012
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  I’ve Tried To Educate Your Childish Heart

  Aah, The Cardigans. I’m sensing a theme with this week’s open threads. Anyhow. Hello, Kotaku! Welcome to the Tuesday open thread. Lots of stuff to talk about tonight, so I’ll get out of your way and let you at some random stuff you may wish to discuss. An old, but very funny review of Sex…

  By Kirk Hamilton Published April 3, 2012
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  Battlefield 3 DLC Lets You Pay to Cheat (Basically)

  EA is no stranger to allowing users to pay for upgrades most people earn the hard way. It’s been doing it since the dawn of the DLC era. But a new set of unlocks for Battlefield 3 is beginning to take the piss. Called “The Ultimate Shortcut Bundle”, it costs 3200 Microsoft Points, and basically…

  By Luke Plunkett Published April 3, 2012
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  Kinect Star Wars Lures Game Critics to the Dark Side

  What a ridiculous, attention-grabbing headline! Everybody knows game reviewers have already succumbed to the dark side; it’s a job requirement. Looking at the scores Kinect Star Wars is pulling in I’m beginning to wonder if there’s an even darker side. The fun thing about Kinect Star Wars (at least from a review perspective) is that…

  By Mike Fahey Published April 3, 2012
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  I Am Alive, Wheels of Destruction New This Week on the PlayStation Store

  This week, Ubisoft Shanghai’s I Am Alive finally comes to the PlayStation 3, which is cool. I liked that game, as did Tina in her review—it’s its own thing, and worthy of your time. The scads of Mortal Kombat DLC characters are all on sale, so if you’re still playing that game (like I am),…

  By Kirk Hamilton Published April 3, 2012
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  Disney’s Newest Cruise Ship is Practically a Floating Arcade

  A cruise can be a great way for a family to unplug from daily demands and distractions, and to bask in the salt air and sunshine. Or, if it’s a Disney cruise on their two newest ships, it can be a chance to play a high def, room-sized, 32-player video game while floating on the…

  By Kate Cox Published April 3, 2012
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  Notch’s New Space Game Has A Really Weird Title

  The name of Minecraft creator Markus “Notch” Persson’s next game will be 0x10c, he said today on his Twitter account. No, it’s not Mars Effect, as he had claimed on April Fools Day. The team is going with 0x10c, a name as bizarre as it is unpronounceable. It’s also an error code. “What happens if…

  By Jason Schreier Published April 3, 2012
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  Rock Band Blitz Turns Your Playable Music Into a Rhythm/Arcade Mash-up This Summer

  You won’t need plastic instruments to jam along to Harmonix’s latest Rock Band game. Revealed on G4 today, Rock Band Blitz turns players into a one-man band, making them play all the instruments with a gamepad in a song in an arcade-style experience that harkens back to the dev studio’s Frequency and Amplitude games. Xbox…

  By Evan Narcisse Published April 3, 2012