Illustration for article titled Biff Tannen Predicts (Another) Riot in Vancouver

Hey, are you a sports fan on the go? Who has time these days to watch the big game, or bother with messy DVR, or boring highlight shows? With Biff Tannen's Sports Almanac, we'll give you the weekend's biggest matchups before they happen, thanks to these highly accurate peer-reviewed scientific simulations of sports video gaming's finest titles.


The NBA is steaming toward its playoffs and the NHL is already there. Ol' Biff's got all the results you need without keeping you up into the third overtime of game two of a first-round matchup between a couple of butthead teams who ain't gonna get any further than the next round. Yes, that means the Canucks.

NHL Playoffs

simulated usingNHL 12

Kings 2, Canucks 0: (Friday): Two goals in the third period from Jeff Carter and Dustin Brown turn Vancouver's uh-oh loss in the series opener into a full-on crisis as the Los Angeles Kings take a two-game lead with their second victory on the Canucks' home ice. Carter's goal comes through a confounding screen from the left circle, and Brown's is a laser beam from the right that goes top shelf with 3:47 to play. Los Angeles goes home with a two-game lead looking to take total control.

Illustration for article titled Biff Tannen Predicts (Another) Riot in Vancouver

Kings 5, Canucks 2: (Sunday): A tense affair devolves to a blowout midway through the third period. Though Los Angeles still leads 2-1 after a Daniel Sedin score early in the third, Alec Martinez's coup de grace is nullified by Dustin Brown's goalie interference. On the ensuing power play, Sedin blasts home a one-timer just short of the blue line to knot the score at 2. But Rob Scuderi's shot, nearly from the boards behind the right circle, gets past Luongo's half-hearted stick save to put the Kings back on top 3-2. An empty netter goal and then a sneering finisher by Dwight King with four seconds left makes this look like a rout when it was anything but. Regardless, the Kings are in absolute command at 3-0 after Sunday.

Major League Baseball

simulated using MLB 2K12

Yankees 3, Angels 2 (Saturday): The Yankees tie the game at 2 in the eighth inning with a two run tater from Alex Rodriguez, and win in the bottom of the ninth when Jason Isringhausen walks Mark Teixeira with the bases loaded. The Angels' C.J. Wilson goes six innings and strikes out seven with nothing to show for it as Los Angeles remains in last place in the American League West.


Twins 7, Rangers 5 (Saturday): Though it looks like Yu Darvish got shelled again, and, well, he did, only two of the seven runs against him are earned thanks to slapstick fielding early in the game by the Rangers. Darvish still walks four and gives up seven hits in a dismal 2 2/3 innings to raise his WHIP to a ghastly 3.65. Justin Morneau is 3-for-5 with a home run.

Dodgers 5, Padres 4 (Sunday): The Dodgers and Padres split the first two games of this series 7-3 and 5-1, and look to preserve the major leagues' best record with Clayton Kershaw on the hill on Sunday. He lasts all of one out however, giving up four runs on four walks and three singles before manager Don Mattingly decides to spare his ego. Still, L.A. recovers and bats around in the eighth to win 5-4 and take Kershaw off the hook. Matt Kemp is 3-for-4 and Andre Ethier doubles.



simulated using NBA 2K12

Miami 107, New York 90 (Sunday): Days after handing Milwaukee a setback in the fight for the final playoff berth in the Eastern Conference, the eighth-place Knicks suffer a damaging and demoralizing loss when Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh tally 28, 27 and 20 points respectively. Amare Stoudemire leads the Knicks with 24 points.


Denver 110, Houston 91 (Sunday): Both teams are tied for the seventh and eighth playoff seeds in the Western Conference coming into Sunday, and the Nuggets get a little breathing room thanks to 26 points and five steals from Ty Lawson, and a huge third quarter in which Kenneth Fareid scores 12 of his 23 points.

Biff's Record: 3-3 last week, 50-70 lifetime. Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Huh? Think, McFly.

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