Assassin’s Creed Valhalla

Play it on: Everything
Current goal: Make my wife watch me falling into hay loads more times

No, you’ve not got the time wrong, it’s still 2024. But in my belated world, the latest big game is Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed Valhalla. I actually started playing it out of simultaneously being frustrated with how much Star Wars Outlaws was annoying me, but also still wanting to scratch that giant Ubisoft-map-shaped itch, and the last time I channeled my DNA centuries into the past was way back when Odyssey came out. I’ve got a lot to catch up on! So much so that I had to get Ubi to delay Shadows into next year, for my own convenience.

I know for a scientifically researched fact that I’ll never actually finish Valhalla, because I’ve never finished a single one of these games, but rather play them until I feel like I’m done. I definitely don’t feel done with this one, yet, despite hammering away at it every evening for a couple of weeks. When I do finally feel like I’ve had my fill, it’ll be time for Mirage

The best bit of all of this is how much my wife hates watching when my Viking lady dives from the synchro points and into the hay below. It makes her tummy go uncomfortably weird, which entertains me enormously. I am the best husband. — John Walker