World of Warcraft Redditor LawsuitEsq has crafted an eloquent answer to the question Felguard demons have been asking their Warlock masters over and over again since 2007. “Oh, I don’t know Zhevdarr. Take a wild fucking guess who summoned you. Again.”Â
I didn’t dabble much in the Warlock class until last year’s Legion expansion pack, but it doesn’t take long to get tired of the Felguard’s bullshit. When a Warlock summons a demon, they are essentially paired for life. The demon gets a name, and from there on out that’s the demon who arrives when the call is put forth. So yeah, I feel LawsuitEsq’s frustration.
“Everyday with this bullshit Zhev. It’s not even everyday it’s every time I fly anywhere. You were just near me, summoned, as usual, and I gave you a cat nap into the Nether realm of forgetfulness apparently and when you pop back out it’s the same question. YES I SUMMONED YOU.”
Why do Felguards gotta be like that? I like to imagine they’re sort of like Dory from Finding Nemo, and every summon feels like the first time. LawsuitEsq has their own ideas. Â
“Are you seeing other Warlocks on the side? Is this just some diversity quota where we needed the first alcoholic demon to include everyone? Surprise asshole its ME AGAIN and I will keep summoning you until the devs give me a lone wolf style talent. So buckle up buttercup, I’m dragging your half-wit ass through everything and no matter how many times you ask “Who Dares Summon Me” IT WILL ALWAYS BE ME.”
In truth the Felguard voice is a carry over from the voice of the Doomguard, which in vanilla World of Warcraft was a very special demon that required a sacrifice to call forth and would often go out of control, randomly killing innocent mailbox dancers. I’d say an update is in order, but it’s been a decade now, and Warlocks have gotten used to it. We’ll fight alongside the Felguard, but we don’t have to like it.
Or as LawsuitEsq puts it: “tl;dr Fuck Zhevdarr.”
