Fortnite, Epic’s free-to-play online battle royale, is one of the biggest games in the world and contains some of the most famous characters in pop culture, including Spider-Man, Batman, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Goku, and Darth Vader. But now, it’s time to say hello to the two greatest fictional characters to hop into Fortnite: a sentient pile of Nike products in the vague shape of a human and a woman who appears to be made entirely out of semen.
In the wake of last week’s leak, Nike officially announced on Tuesday that it has built (or more accurately hired someone to build) a giant Nike-themed world inside Epic’s popular battle royale game. And as part of this collaboration between Nike and Fortnite, the game is adding new items and character skins. And uh…they are a bit strange, which is saying a lot considering some of the past characters that have appeared in Fortnite, including Ninja (the streamer) and a naked version of Peely the banana. But these new Nike collab characters are even weirder than that.
For example, one of them is a man covered in (or made up entirely of) shoes, tennis balls, water bottles, and other sports-related items. Pretty weird stuff! I assume this guy squeaks a lot when he runs around.
The other new character is a woman made out of…air? Or maybe rubber, like what you find in a Nike shoe? Well, that’s what Nike was intending with this all-white in-game skin. But instead, the internet has latched onto the idea that this woman is actually a sentient being made of cum. I’m just reporting on this folks, don’t yell at me.
Also, and I shouldn’t have to say this, but be very careful about where you are if you start searching for “cum Fortnite” on Twitter…
If you look around Twitter and such, you’ll quickly discover that a lot of players are reacting to this character in a way that I imagine Nike didn’t expect or want. A lot of tweets are suggesting this is the first cum-person in Fortnite (probably true) or are asking if the semen lady is real and dangerous. Really, most of the online convo around the Nike cum lady is people logging on to Twitter, seeing tweets about it, scoffing at the idea, looking up an image of the new character, and realizing it’s worse than they expected.
I wonder if the people at Nike who wanted to be more creative with this crossover—not just tossing some Nike shirts and shoes into the game and calling it a day—are starting to regret their decision.