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  Fake Gamer of the Week: I Sure Hope There’s Not a Sexy Cyborg Standing Behind Me

  You’ve all been there. You’re sitting there against a black backdrop, playing Call of Honor or Medal of Duty or whatever, when all of the sudden you’re struck by the sneaking suspicion that there’s a sexy machine woman standing right behind you. Ha, if I had a dime for every time I got that feeling!…

  By Mike Fahey Published July 9, 2012
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  You’ll Soon Be Able To Help Decide Which Games Get On Steam

  Valve is crowdsourcing the approval process for its Steam distribution platform, it said today. With a new service the company is calling Steam Greenlight, slated to launch at the end of August, Valve will allow gamers to vote on which titles will make it to the popular digital network. Instead of going through some sort…

  By Jason Schreier Published July 9, 2012
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  This Live-Action Metroid Movie Only Cost $200 to Make

  Think back to when you first played Metroid to the end for the first time. Your mind was blown when you found out Samus Aran was a woman, right? But you couldn’t do anything like, say, hit on her. The guys in the short try to do exactly that. It’s awkward. Via Twitter

  By Evan Narcisse Published July 9, 2012
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  If Video Game Characters Were On Twitter, These Would Be Their Profile Pictures

  Video game characters have it easy. A ton of artists online are constantly making renders, sketches, and cute avatar icons like these that they can scrounge through for their Twitter and Facebook pics. Be sure to expand the images for the full effect. Onmaru [deviantART via dotcore]

  By Tina Amini Published July 9, 2012
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  Far Cry 3’s Crazy Villain Rants About Dubstep.

  Even the characters inside of video games are sick of the wub-wub. Listen to Vaas—the insane pirate at the center of open-world first-person-shooter Far Cry 3—bitch about the bass-heavy tracks that pop up in damn near every big-budget video game trailer. Yes, he’s naked some of the time but don’t let his total nudity distract…

  By Evan Narcisse Published July 9, 2012
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  Medkits Apparently Double As Demolition Kits In Battlefield 3

  When a camper just refuses to move from his comfy little corner in a building, picking off your teammates one by one, there’s an excellent solution for that. Throw your medkit at the walls around him, and watch as the cement crumbles his safety away. How the No U Wreckin’ Crew handles campers. [YouTube via…

  By Tina Amini Published July 9, 2012
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  Reviews

  London 2012: The Kotaku Review

  There are few activities in life that feel sillier than playing an Olympics video game. There are fewer activities that better illuminate how ridiculous the act of playing a video game can be. You’re not running a 100-meter dash. You’re pretending to run one. You’re pretending by waiting for the signal, then—press that A-button!—you’re off….…

  By Stephen Totilo Published July 9, 2012
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  Guild Wars 2‘s Next Beta Weekend Brings Plant People and Tiny Little Freaks

  There are five races in Guild Wars 2, but up until now we’ve only been able to play as three – the humans, the cat people, and the bigger humans. ArenaNet rectifies this the weekend of July 20-22, when the Asura and Sylvari finally get their chance to shine. It ain’t easy being green, and…

  By Mike Fahey Published July 9, 2012
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  The Trailer You Weren’t Supposed to See for a Game You’ll Never Play

  Curt Schilling’s 38 Studios is no more. The employees have been let go, its projects have been shelved. What’s left in the wake of this grand disaster is tales of personal tragedy and assets like this leaked launch trailer, an echo of a dream that died. We’ve seen a world fly-through video and character screens…

  By Mike Fahey Published July 9, 2012
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  Final Fantasy VII‘s PC Re-Release Won’t Have Microtransactions

  The upcoming PC re-release of Final Fantasy VII will not use any sort of microtransaction-based system, publisher Square Enix told me today. Last week, when Square Enix announced the upcoming Final Fantasy VII re-release, the company said it would introduce a new feature called the Character Booster that allows players to boost their characters’ stats…

  By Jason Schreier Published July 9, 2012
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  Resident Evil 6 Will Feature Over Four Hours Of Cut-Scenes

  The next Resident Evil game will have 255 minutes of cut-scenes, according to a filing by the British Board of Film Classification That’s four hours and fifteen minutes. Hope you like cinematics, Resident Evil fans. For comparison, the BBFC lists Resident Evil 5 at 65 minutes and 17 seconds. Resident Evil 4 is 127 minutes…

  By Jason Schreier Published July 9, 2012
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  Pitfall Returns to Find Treasure on Your iPhone

  You spent hours playing Pitfall on an Intellivision or an Atari 2600 back in the day, imprinting your impressionable brain with a fear of crocodiles that not even delicious Choco-diles snacks can’t conquer. Also you love gold. A lot. You want more Pitfall. It’s coming…to the phone you carry in your pocket everyday. Per MCVUK,…

  By Evan Narcisse Published July 9, 2012
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  It’s Talking Ted, But It’s Not a Game

  Since I live outside the U.S., many Hollywood movies often take their sweet time getting a release here in Japan. Ted is from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane and follows the adventures of a grown-man who deals with his boyhood teddy bear that’s come to life. I didn’t know much about the flick, but after…

  By Brian Ashcraft Published July 9, 2012
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  Nature Declares War on Man in These Gorgeous Apocalyptic Screenshots

  The year 2020 doesn’t look like it’s going to be a good one for mankind. Pollen allergies become deadly eight years from now and an eco-catastrophe wipes out most of humanity, leaving behind a few stragglers to try to survive after the world’s power grids go to hell. The lush, green hell seen in screenshots…

  By Evan Narcisse Published July 9, 2012
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  Reality Check: First-Person Shooters Are Not Really Ruining Gaming

  Last Friday, I heard that Activision and Terminal Reality would be making a first-person shooter out of the Walking Dead. Shortly afterward, I witnessed people (read: co-workers, folks I follow on Twitter, etc) freaking out. Why does everything have to be a first-person shooter?, people howled. This is not what The Walking Dead needs, others…

  By Stephen Totilo Published July 9, 2012
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  Talk Amongst Yourselves

  Mondays. The time when you think about the games you’ve left behind and the ones you’re going to get. Go on and talk about the games you’re playing, loving and hating. Head over to Talk Amongst Yourselves, the place where we gather on a daily basis to discuss all things video game and existential. Go…

  By Evan Narcisse Published July 9, 2012
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  The Guy Who Played Magneto from X-Men: First Class Will Be Wearing The Assassin’s Creed Hood

  Magneto will be killing evil Templars in the upcoming Assassin’s Creed movie. Michael Fassbender—the actor who played the Master of Magnetism in last year’s X-Men prequel movie—has signed up to be the lead star in the film adaptation of Ubisoft’s historical action games. The Variety article where news of Fassbender’s casting broke describes the move…

  By Evan Narcisse Published July 9, 2012
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  There’s A Little Bit Of Persona In This New Japanese Adventure Game

  There are a couple of new trailers out for Time Travelers, an upcoming role-playing adventure game by Dragon Quest IX developer Level-5 that will be out in Japan this summer for 3DS, PSP, and Vita. Looks a little Persona-ish, no? School uniforms, guns, ticking clocks… The second trailer (below) is particularly bizarre. This is a…

  By Jason Schreier Published July 9, 2012
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  The Difference Between A Good Video Game and a Bad One

  During my first 25 years playing video games I had no theory about what makes a video game good. I knew the good ones when I played them. I just felt it. Last year, however, I was forced to come up with a theory—a theory about what makes a video game good. I’ve been testing…

  By Stephen Totilo Published July 9, 2012
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  The Walking Dead First-Person Shooter Begets a Most Gruesome Comic-Con Exclusive

  There was no doubt in my mind that the first-person shooter based on AMC’s The Walking Dead television series would generate some truly horrific swag. I just didn’t think it would show up so soon. Activision gives fans four earfuls at San Diego Comic-Con this week. A necklace of ears was not on my Comic-Con…

  By Mike Fahey Published July 9, 2012