This Year’s Craziest Video Game Conspiracy Theory, the Uncanny Valley, and, Oh Yeah, Metal Gear

The next generation is around the corner. And with it, video gamers will get wrinkles, hair follicles, and pores like they’ve never seen before. Before we know it, the Uncanny Valley will become the new normal. But, as some are wondering online, is it already here? And did we just watch a digital game developer…

DRM-free SimCity clone Civitas’ Kickstarter has been cancelled; the studio “has been able to secure private funding.”

King Arthur’s Gold, the indie lovechild of Team Fortress 2 and Minecraft, is coming to Steam. More details here

How Do You Make Majora’s Mask Even More Disturbing? Add Nicolas Cage.

This is… I don’t even know what to say. Just watch. Sheer genius. Kudos to YouTuber Criken, who somehow managed to make the creepy The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask even creepier, Cage style. (via NeoGAF)

A Telltale Heartbeat Informs the Latest Hero of Ace Attorney

Taking a page from Matt Murdock, the latest hero of the Ace Attorney series is a lawyer who can listen to heartbeats to determine if they’re telling the truth. That said, Kizuki Kokone is not yet an expert at doing so, says the game’s official web page, in a post revealing her arrival in Ace…

Missile Command‘s 31-Year-Old All-Time Record Has Fallen [Update]

Victor Sandberg of Sweden has been playing Missile Command for more than 52 hours on a single coin, chasing a record that has stood since 1982. The all-time high world record high score of 80.5 million points is held by another Victor, in this case someone named Victor Ali. [Update] Victor Sandberg is the new…

Coder Discovers Mandatory 20-Minute Offline Timeout in SimCity

Last week, two of our writers played SimCity and deliberately turned off their Internet connections, both finding their games continued normally and then abruptly ended after 20 minutes. Someone now has posted what appears to be code for the game that orders a shutdown after a disconnection exactly that long. That allegation further punctures the…

The Week in Games: There are a Million Bricks in LEGO City …

God of War got its prequel last week; Gears of War gets one Tuesday. We’ve also been charmed by LEGO City: Undercover on Wii U, available on Monday. Monday • LEGO City: Undercover (Wii U) Tuesday • Gears of War: Judgment (360) • The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct (360, PS3, Wii U, PC) • Assassin’s…

Machinarium comes to PS Vita on March 26 with features specific to the handheld. It’ll be $6.99 on the PlayStation Store

Kotaku ‘Shop Contest: Pope Francish

Hey, don’t say I didn’t warn you. When the College of Cardinals selected the 266th pope on Wednesday, video gamers all around the world had the same reaction: Francis? The implacable, lisping video game nerd who issues weekly encyclicals bemoaning the worldly excesses of video gaming? (And yes, we know he’s a comedian.) Perfect choice.…

Sunday Comics: Corrosive Effect

Welcome to your Sunday read of the week’s best in web comics. Make sure to click on the expand button in the bottom right to enlarge each comic. Corpse Run by Alex Di Stasi. Published March 14. Read more of Corpse Run Penny Arcade by Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik. Published March 13. Read more…

Kotaku ‘Shop Contest: The Emperor Has No Pants: The Winners

This week’s Kotaku ‘Shop Contest, like the rest of the site, requires an always-on Internet connection to access. Of course, our servers actually work, so this isn’t much of a problem. Last week our smart ‘Shoppers pantsed SimCity with 18 mayoral portraits, including overall winner Josh Alsarona’s! androidpk AnxiousLogic AnxiousLogic arniejolt arniejolt azureguy Dafishies eraofmattitude…

The hacker who made SimCity run offline now says the game’s region features can run without an Internet connection, too.

She Hacked The Legend of Zelda So It Now Stars Zelda, Saving Link

This is one of those things that seems so obvious, it feels like someone should have done it before. After all, just last week someone finally got the idea to mod a Donkey Kong ROM so that Pauline could save Mario. That’s exactly what inspired Kenna W., a professional animator, to mod a Legend of…

Tomb Raider Bus Ad, You Had One Job …

This botched-up bus advert was spied by Crystal Dynamics’ Karl Stewart, the global brand director for the Tomb Raider franchise. Oops.

Zen Pinball 2 at last arrives for Wii U on Thursday. The Marvel tables are available, but not the new Star Wars series.

Watch All of Assassin’s Creed II, Edited Into a Feature-Length Movie

The same gentleman who edited all of the scenes from Uncharted into feature-length movies is at it again. He’s just stitched together Assassin’s Creed II, following the release (sort of) of Assassin’s Creed back in November. The editor is Andy Gilleand. You can watch the whole thing above (it should be obvious, if you have…

There Are a Lot of Filthy Words Written in Simlish in The Sims Freeplay

The Simlish alphabet has been translated before, but The Sims Freeplay, the game’s mobile edition, appears to use a different one. Redditor Bump424 this morning published what figures to be the game’s Rosetta Stone, and found some wirty-dords hidden in the signs. A sign that appears to be a calendar instead says “Multiplication Fuck You”…

This Week in the Business: ‘After These Next Consoles, I Don’t Think There’ll Be Any More’

What’s happened in the business of video games this past week … QUOTE | “After these next Sony and Microsoft consoles I don’t think there’ll be any more.”—Peter Relan, co-founder of cloud gaming startup Agawi, talking about the past, present and the future of cloud gaming QUOTE | “You have to be willing to be…

The Moneysaver: Independents’ Day

Kotaku’s twice weekly roundup of the best discounts, combinations, offers and incentives in video gaming is brought to you by Dealzon Downloadable Games Green Man Gaming is running an “Indie Weekend” sale with games up to 75% off. Here are our top picks. • Sword of the Stars: The Pit is $8.99 (list $10) •…