Cosmog Is An Idiotic, Naive Ball Of Gas

Illustration for article titled Cosmog Is An Idiotic, Naive Ball Of Gas
Image: The Pokemon Company / Kotaku

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Cosmog!

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Cosmog Details

Type: Psychic

Average Height: 0'08"

Average Weight: 0.2 lbs

First Added In Generation VII


One of my favorite songs is “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb, You Gotta Be Tough” by Roger Alan Wade. Its basic premise, as the name clearly implies, is that if you are going to be an idiot, doing dumb shit daily, then you better be tough enough to handle the terrible consequences. If Wade wrote a similar song about today’s Pokemon, Cosmog, it would be titled “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb, At Least Be Able To Teleport.” Less catchy, but accurate.

Cosmog is a ball of gas with a face. It’s extremely frail and it can easily be blown away. The thing is Cosmog doesn’t care. It’s laid back like that. Sure, death is only a mild gust of wind away, but it doesn’t worry. I can almost respect that. However, Cosmog is also a big (or small) idiot. It is extremely naive and according to Bulbapedia, it will show kindness and trust to anyone who treats it nice, even if that person is clearly an asshole using Cosmog or tricking the dumb gas ball.

Why would someone want to trick Cosmog? Because it can open a wormhole to a completely different dimension, one filled with strange creatures, like a Pokemon that only communicates using body-building poses. It doesn’t have great control over this ability, usually only using it when it is stressed out or in danger.

This brings us back to that song I mentioned. Cosmog made be a naive, idiot made of a few wisps of gas, but it can teleport too. This is a separate ability from its wormhole trick and it appears to have more control of this warping around skill. It uses this to escape bad situations, which it finds itself in often. (Because of the whole idiot thing.) But Cosmog remains curious, which is nice to see. Even though the world is dangerous and filled with people willing to trick it into doing their bidding, Cosmog keeps on keeping on. I admire this little ball of gas, even if it seems extremely dangerous that a naive dumbass like him has the power to conjure wormholes to other dimensions.

Random Facts

  • Cosmog is one of the lightest Pokemon to have ever existed. However...
  • Is it even a Pokemon?? It’s described in Pokedex entries as something that has come from another world. That seems to imply it’s an alien. The Pokemon universe has a weird habit of treating aliens as Pokemon. Run ET.
  • According to Bulbapeida, Cosmog has the lowest base stat total of all Legendary Pokémon, making it the greatest loser.
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Best Comment From Last Week

Oh, I’ve got an interesting thing! Tynamo is essentially an electric eel that hunts in groups in order to generate more electricity, which we JUST discovered is a real thing electric eels will do in the wild!

-vexis58

Looks like Mother Nature can expect a Nintendo cease and desist order very soon.

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Previously On Here’s Another Pokemon

Kotaku Weekend Editor | Zack Zwiezen is a writer living in Kansas. He has written for GameCritics, USgamer, Kill Screen & Entertainment Fuse.

DISCUSSION

rogueindy
rogueIndy

The Pokemon universe has a weird habit of treating aliens as Pokemon.”

Presumably whatever trait enables them to be kept in little spheres and transmitted over the internet is what also allows a whale to breed with a small cat or a goldfish to knock up dragons; and came from a common ancestor.

If aliens and ghosts can be caught, battled and bred the same way, then that suggests pretty much all life in this world is extraterrestrial in origin (and that at some point between Mr. Mime and Homo Sapiens, humans evolved out of laying eggs).

I fell off the franchise a while back though, so idk if this has been addressed yet.