That Press Scrum

Sometimes at work, you’re handed a shit sandwich and don’t really have a choice but to eat it. In CM Punk’s case, he picked up the rotten sandwich he was served and hurled it at the people who allegedly put it on his plate in the first place… then he took a flamethrower and torched his shit-covered enemies for good measure.

If you’re looking for 23 minutes and 30 seconds of pure entertainment and NSFW soap opera-level drama, do yourself a favor and watch (or rewatch) CM Punk’s press conference after AEW All Out in 2022. A bloodied Punk–who just defeated Jon Moxley to regain the AEW World Championship—expressed his genuine, non-scripted thoughts. He:

Ripped into Scott Colton (AKA pro wrestler Colt Cabana), adamantly dismissing the rumors that he convinced Tony to fire his former friend. Punk also revealed that he used to pay Colton’s bills and that Colton (at the time, 41) shared a bank account with his mom

Disparaged the executive vice presidents of AEW, namely Kenny Omega and Matt and Nick Jackson (the Young Bucks), who “couldn’t fucking manage a Target”

Called AEW star Adam “Hangman” Page an “empty-headed dumb fuck” for cutting a promo on Punk that strayed significantly from what they agreed to beforehand

Addressed the media directly about their lack of journalistic integrity: “If y’all are at fault, fuck you. If you’re not, I apologize”

The rants were awkward yet hilarious, made even funnier by the fact that Punk did it while sitting next to (a wildly uncomfortable) AEW CEO Tony Kahn and calmly eating muffins. It was an all-time CM Punk performance, but it did result in a real-life physical altercation with Omega and the Young Bucks immediately following the scrum (the details are unclear), and then a whole bunch of ripple effects for the next year-plus, ultimately leading to Punk’s firing from AEW.

On the bright side, the ordeal ultimately led Punk back to the WWE, and now we all know that Mindy’s Bakery is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays.