Sexy. Screwed up. Strange. Outrageous. We here at Kotaku deal with topics befitting all those words. We dealt with them this year, too. So grab your laptops and find a dark corner, folks, 'cause we're dealing with some of the naughtiest and nastiest stuff 2013 had to offer.

Enjoy our selection of this year's NSFW pickings, but for the love of God and all that is holy, don't do it around other people (unless they're into this sort of thing).

Japanese Site Compares Ridiculous Video Game Breasts to Real Breasts

Jiggle physics are serious business, so much so that the Japanese Rocket News went ahead and investigated the relationship between game boobs and real boobs using... experiments.

Okay, This Bread Really Looks Like Vaginas

Probably one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. Still, I'd imagine it must be tasty. It looks like it's filled with strawberry jam. Yum!

Tomb Raider Glitch Makes Lara Croft Look Practically Topless

She's one of the oldest female video game icons out there, so it's natural that a glitch like this would be extremely popular. Even if it looks as weird as it does.

The Attack on Titan Porn Looks Absolutely Mental

Not very sexy at all. More uncomfortably funny than anything, really.

Difficult Video Games Are Like a Certain Kind of Sex

A thoughtful study of the relationship between sexual sado-masochism and the torture-yourself-with-roguelikes-and-NES-platformers kind of sado-masochism. They've got more in common than you'd think!

Oh Hey, It's a Naked Man on a Scooter, Carrying a Crucifix

The legendary journeys of the Wingjing Streaker. Shine on, you crazy bastard.

Can an Oculus Rift Game Make You 'Genuinely Horny?' They're Gonna Try.

It's virtual reality. Erotic video games are a given. That's just how humans work.

Motion-Controlled Anime Boobs Exist (*Sigh*)

Yep, this is a thing. Can you guess who came up with it?

iOS 7's Newest App? Japanese Pornography

Japan discovers iOS 7's blurry tiles. What follows, of course, is a veritable storm of fake porn.

Penis-Powered Game Gets Oculus Rift Support

Best of both worlds? Best of both worlds.

Well, That's One Way to Censor Animated Nipples

Censorship can be annoying as hell, but in this case it's actually quite hilarious.

Why Do People Love To Draw Dicks in Games? An Investigative Report.

From penis-shaped Spore creatures to massive dick mods in Skyrim, the gaming scene is positively inundated with male genitalia. We attempt to find out why.

Japan's $7 Million Sex Museum Sure Is Silly

It's called The Ureshino Sightseeing House of Hidden Treasures. Even the name is funny.

YouTube's New Comment Moderation Seems To (Not) Be Going Well So Far

New moderation means a whole slew of new ASCII schlongs.

7 Ways To Initiate Sex In Saints Row IV

The protagonist of Saints Row IV is one smooth operator.

Watch A Guy Stare At Realistic Naked Bodies. Thanks, Virtual Reality.

Just think of all the possibilities for virtual voyeurism. Typing that out makes me feel intense shame. I apologize.

Polka Dots Can Make Anything Sexy. Even Sumo.

Japan really likes their fake porn.

Players Uncover A Naked Ellen Page In Her New Video Game

Beyond: Two Souls has a shower scene. Really, this is pretty much the most logical thing that could've happened.

Don't Be Surprised If Metal Gear Solid V Seems More, Uh, Erotic

"May not be cosplayable," said Hideo Kojima about Quiet, the scantily-clad sniper of MGSV. Obviously, he was wrong.

Kinky PC Demo Allows For Virtual Sex, Robot Handjobs

Saving the worst for the last.

Well, that's all folks. Here's to another Kotaku fish-filled year.

Questions? Comments? Contact the author of this post at andras-AT-kotaku-DOT-com.