Pewdiepie has been on YouTube for about five years now. Inevitably, some fans who have stuck with him the entire way through now think they miss the “old” Pewdiepie. That’s why Pewdiepie took to YouTube last weekend to talk about how awful and amateurish his early days actually were.

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“Obviously, I’ve undergone a massive change from my first video to my last,” Pewdiepie said in a video response aimed at his unhappy fans. “I am very happy where I am right now, but it still seems that many people are stuck in the old days.” So, Pewdiepie invited viewers to look back on his initial videos with a more critical eye:

One of the first things Pewdiepie notes is that he used to record videos raw, without cutting any of the uninteresting footage away. That is to say: old Pewdiepie wasted viewer’s time with footage that would never make it onto a video in 2016. Nowadays, Pewdiepie records hours and hours of footage, which he then shaves down to a few minutes of the best material.

Pewdiepie also pointed out that he used to make gay jokes, something that he no longer approves of.

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“Exposing myself here, but I don’t know, I really don’t like that,” Pewdiepie said, after playing back footage where he calls a character gay. “I still make kind of stupid jokes that I shouldn’t make, but I feel like back then I didn’t understand. I was so immature, and I just thought things were funny just because they were offensive. So I would say a lot of stupid shit.

“I’m not proud of it, I’m really not. But I’m also glad that I’ve grown past it,” Pewdiepie said. Curiously, as he goes through his older catalogue, Pewdiepie finds a video titled with the word “retarded.” Not only does he delete that word from the title on camera, he also jokes that he “really should go through and censor a lot of these videos.”

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In one of the more interesting segments, Pewdiepie looks back on his Amnesia videos, a horror series that catapulted him into fame. He says that fans often tell him he felt more natural back then, which is funny, because Pewdiepie notes that he was being a total tryhard the entire time. At one point, you can even see him berating himself for not being funny enough on camera. At another point, Pewdiepie spends an entire episode stuck on the same puzzle for like an hour. Amnesia might’ve made Pewdiepie YouTube’s biggest star, but its far from a perfect Let’s Play, Pewdiepie suggests.

Pewdiepie is adamant that he has grown a lot since 2011, both as an entertainer and as a human being. That said, he does concede to the fans who think he used to look cuter without a beard. Ha.