You Don't Want Resident Evil Village's Tall Vampire Lady To Step On Your Face

Illustration for article titled You Don't Want Resident Evil Village's Tall Vampire Lady To Step On Your Face
Screenshot: Capcom

You really don’t! Clocking in at 2.9m (or 9'6") tall, Lady Dimitrescu is probably the absolute last individual you’d want stepping on you.

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Previously, we saw how the character compared to real humans—she towered over them. In a sponsored clip, YouTuber Kyle Hill did the math to figure out what would happen if she actually stepped on someone.

“Unlike Lady Dimitrescu’s height, we do not have a canonical mass, so we’re going to have to estimate it indirectly,” explained Hill. To do that, he used the concept of body mass index, which is an imperfect way to correlate height with mass and health.

Illustration for article titled You Don't Want Resident Evil Village's Tall Vampire Lady To Step On Your Face
Screenshot: Kyle Hill

“There are two problems with this indirect approach,” he continued. The first is that there is no BMI chart that captures the character’s height, so it’s necessary to extrapolate to get a useable number. “The second problem is that we have to eyeball her BMI to work backward and get her mass.” Hill, however, estimated that the character’s BMI is between 24 and 26.

Illustration for article titled You Don't Want Resident Evil Village's Tall Vampire Lady To Step On Your Face
Screenshot: Kyle Hill

With that, he was able to figure out that the character (apparently!) weighs 450 pounds.

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But since Dimitrescu wears high heels, that’s where things get really dangerous if she were to step on people. Granted, it depends on how quickly she stepped and how much weight was behind her leg.

Illustration for article titled You Don't Want Resident Evil Village's Tall Vampire Lady To Step On Your Face
Screenshot: Kyle Hill
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So, according to Hill’s estimation, if all her body weight were behind her in a quick step, the result would be a value for pressure that’s 145 million Pa. “Now, about more than half of what it would take to puncture structural steel.”

And here are the inevitable recreations, including a head made of ballistic gel.

Gif: Kyle Hill
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Goodness.

Gif: Kyle Hill
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And finally, a coconut.

Gif: Kyle Hill
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You can watch the full clip below:

Originally from Texas, Ashcraft has called Osaka home since 2001. He has authored six books, including most recently, The Japanese Sake Bible.

DISCUSSION

Can the internet stop trying to convince folks not to be horny about Dimitrescu?

First it was “don’t wank boys and girls, she’s gonna turn into some slimy monster” as if that was supposed to deter and not arouse. Now it’s “omg she gonna crush your head like a watermelon with that ass”. Well yes I know that? Maybe that’s the point? Stop kinkshaming, you prudes.