Wow, The New Achievements For Final Fantasy VII Sure Are Boring

Illustration for article titled Wow, The New Achievements For emFinal Fantasy VII/em Sure Are Boring

When I heard that the PC re-release of Final Fantasy VIIwhich came out yesterday—would have achievements, I thought maybe we'd see some cool challenges. Maybe they'd have a sense of humor. Or ask you to do crazy things, like beat the game with no materia or solo Ruby Weapon.


But no. These achievements are just straight-up dull.

Here's the full list of 36, 18 of which involve Limit Breaks:

  • End of Part I: Complete the first part of the game
  • End of Part II: Complete the second part of the game
  • End of Game: Complete Final Fantasy VII
  • Master Materia: Reach the maximum level of any Materia
  • Master of Gil: 99,999,999 Gil
  • Top Level: Reach level 99 with any character
  • Knights of the Round: Get materia Knights of the Round
  • Omnislash: Get Cloud's last Limit Break
  • Catastrophe: Get Barret's last Limit Break
  • Chaos: Get Vincent's last Limit Break
  • Great Gospel: Get Aeris's last Limit Break
  • Highwind: Get Cid's last Limit Break
  • Final Heaven: Get Tifa's last Limit Break
  • All Creation: Get Yuffie's last Limit Break
  • Cosmo Memory: Get Red XIII's last Limit Break
  • Slots: Get Cait Sith's last Limit Break
  • Bahamut Zero: Get materia Bahamut Zero
  • Ultimate Weapon: Defeat the Ultimate Weapon
  • Diamond Weapon: Defeat the Diamond Weapon
  • Ruby Weapon: Defeat the Ruby Weapon
  • Emerald Weapon: Defeat the Emerald Weapon
  • Vincent: Get Vincent on your team
  • Yuffie: Get Yuffie on your team
  • Materia Overlord: Master all Materias
  • Battle Square: Start a battle in Battle Square
  • Golden Feather: Get a Gold Chocobo
  • Won First Battle: Win your first battle
  • Braver: Use Cloud's first Limit Break
  • Big Shot: Use Barrett's first Limit Break
  • Galian Beast: Use Vincent's first Limit Break
  • Healing Wind: Use Aeris's first Limit Break
  • Boost Jump: Use Cid's first Limit Break
  • Beat Rush: Use Tifa's first Limit Break
  • Greased Lightning: Use Yuffie's first Limit Break
  • Sled Fang: Use Red XIII's first Limit Break
  • Dice: Use Cait Sith's first Limit Break

Gee, I can't wait to brag to all my friends that I used Cloud's first Limit Break.

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Jason Schreier

What would be some better achievements for this FFVII re-release? Let's brainstorm.

- Going on a date with Barret

- Collecting every single one of those worthless toy soldier things

- Grinding flashback-Cloud to level 99