Gaming PC Names Are Truly Embarrassing

PLAY HARD!!! Image via
PLAY HARD!!! Image via

I am in the market for a brand new gaming PC—thank you Kirk Hamilton—so today I decided to start browsing a bit. And I discovered the glory of video game PC branding. It’s sort of like Taco Bell crossed with Hot Topic.

Here is a list of actual names of actual gaming PCs that you can buy right now:

  • CyberPower Gamer Master Ultra
  • Falcon Northwest Tiki
  • Alienware Area-51 Threadripper Edition
  • AMD Ryzen Threadripper Extreme
  • Cyberpower Gamer Infinity 8000
  • Lenovo IdeaCentre Y710 Cube
  • Velocity Micro Raptor Z95
  • SkyTech ArchAngel GTX 1050 Ti
  • iBUYPOWER Chimera 5 - Flame Edition
  • iBUYPOWER Chimera 5 - Snow Edition
  • StormForce Tornado
  • ABS Battlebox Essential Vortex Leo
  • Chillblast Fusion Adamantium 3
  • Wired2Fire Diablo Fury
  • Cyberpower Ultra 5 Dragon Edition
  • Pro Gamer FTW Xtreme 2000 (I swear to god I’m not making these up)

But wait—it doesn’t stop there! Here is a list of actual names of actual PC parts that you can buy right now:

  • be quiet! Dark Rock Pro 3 (CPU cooler)
  • Deepcool CAPTAIN 240EX WHITE (CPU cooler)
  • Asus MAXIMUS VIII HERO (motherboard)
  • ASRock Fatal1ty Z270 Gaming K6 (motherboard)
  • MSI H270M BAZOOKA (motherboard)
  • Deepcool TESSERACT SW (case)
  • Raidmax Vortex (case)
  • Fractal Design Meshify C (case)
  • Cooler Master Storm Stryker (case)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be fueling on some Mountain Dew Code Red while getting in some serious play on my Pro Gamer FTW Xtreme 2000.

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Schreier, no! Don’t buy a pre-built machine!

Get yourself a buddy who’s built a machine before (or do it yourself if you’re feeling brave), head over to Newegg or another parts wholesaler, and part out your desired rig.

You’ll save at least 40% (and likely more) off purchasing a pre-built machine, and you’ll have the joy of knowing that your gaming PC is truly yours, as opposed to something that came out of someone else’s pre-existing inventory.

(Note: I really don’t judge folks who buy pre-built machines at all—but if you have the time, the will, and the wherewithal, it’s always better to save money by pulling individual parts than it is to buy a pre-built system).

Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy your new PC!