I am in the market for a brand new gaming PC—thank you Kirk Hamilton—so today I decided to start browsing a bit. And I discovered the glory of video game PC branding. It’s sort of like Taco Bell crossed with Hot Topic.
Here is a list of actual names of actual gaming PCs that you can buy right now:
CyberPower Gamer Master Ultra
Falcon Northwest Tiki
Alienware Area-51 Threadripper Edition
AMD Ryzen Threadripper Extreme
Cyberpower Gamer Infinity 8000
Lenovo IdeaCentre Y710 Cube
Velocity Micro Raptor Z95
SkyTech ArchAngel GTX 1050 Ti
iBUYPOWER Chimera 5 – Flame Edition
iBUYPOWER Chimera 5 – Snow Edition
StormForce Tornado
ABS Battlebox Essential Vortex Leo
Chillblast Fusion Adamantium 3
Wired2Fire Diablo Fury
Cyberpower Ultra 5 Dragon Edition
Pro Gamer FTW Xtreme 2000 (I swear to god I’m not making these up)
But wait—it doesn’t stop there! Here is a list of actual names of actual PC parts that you can buy right now:
be quiet! Dark Rock Pro 3 (CPU cooler)
Deepcool CAPTAIN 240EX WHITE (CPU cooler)
Asus MAXIMUS VIII HERO (motherboard)
ASRock Fatal1ty Z270 Gaming K6 (motherboard)
MSI H270M BAZOOKA (motherboard)
Deepcool TESSERACT SW (case)
Raidmax Vortex (case)
Fractal Design Meshify C (case)
Cooler Master Storm Stryker (case)
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be fueling on some Mountain Dew Code Red while getting in some serious play on my Pro Gamer FTW Xtreme 2000.
