The screenshots for “retro-survival-horror” InsanZ show off creepy creatures and awesome weapons. In the first five minutes I got toilets, cake-headed skeletons and really cheap deaths.

It’s got that “psychological horror” tag, so it has permission to be batshit insane. Still, I went in eager for this:

Instead I wandered maroon corridors with my head tilted to the side like a dog who doesn’t understand what the hell is going on. Then I learned the German word for mines.

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The official Steam description, it does nothing.

InsanZ is a retro-survival-horror-game of the latest generation. Discover the crazy world of InsanZ, face the nasty creatures from hell and survive to bring back balance to the world.Fight with over 13 different weapons against hordes of monsters, explore the dire world of InsanZ, discover old paths and hidden secrets, use the terrain to escape from your foes, dive into the world of InsanZ.Tactical knowledge and resource management are key to survive in this never ending nightmare.

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Note that my voice in the video has not been modulated or augmented—that’s my “demon voice.” I use it whenever the kids’ school calls.

The First Five is the first five minutes of a game with light commentary. Once the five minutes are up, so are we.

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