I don't know that I've ever played online multiplayer in baseball and not struck out at least 10 times. Human opponents almost always throw in the strike zone, meaning you can work neither the count nor a walk. Lag is especially problematic in baseball, making it difficult to get consistent contact even on meatball pitches you see coming a mile away.
Even so, I never dreamed of seeing what longtime Kotaku readers Chewblaha and Mike Dukakis wrought as they stunk up the joint in MLB 11 The Show. Chewie, as most know, is a Cubs diehard and Duke a Mets partisan. And their three-game series set a record for breathtaking futility, well beyond the pale even considering the state of the two franchises involved.
In the first game, Chicago's Matt Garza balked eleven times in the Mets' 8-3 victory. I ... I just don't ... I can't even begin to comprehend how one actually balks in video game baseball, much less does it 11 times. In the second game, Mets pitcher John Niese lost 4 to 2, and was caught stealing twice. The pitcher.
That brings us to the titanic conclusion.
The third game paired New York's Dillon Gee and Carlos "Soy un peligro para mí y otras" Zambrano. The Mets got the jump with four hits in the first inning, including a home run from Carlos Beltran, his third of the series.
Dukakis was brilliant on the mound as well, carrying a perfect game with Gee through five innings before he got too cute and walked Reed Johnson. "With his perfect game lost, but his no-hitter on, Mike began to taunt me in chat, elling me every inning that he had some no-hitter goin' on."
At the plate, though, he was not much better. The Mets whiffed eight consecutive times, got two weak hits, then fanned another 15 consecutive times (the American League record for consecutive strikeouts is 8; the National League is 10, held by a Met, Tom Seaver.)
In the eighth, Chewblaha finally broke the ignominy of the no-hitter when Geovany Soto, hitless for the series, blasted one over Jason Bay in center field that just fell short of the home run basket. Chewblaha did nothing with the leadoff double, striking out three consecutive times, and then going quietly in the ninth.
All told, Chewie struck out Duke 23 times; Duke allowed only one hit. In the three game series, the two combined for 88 strikeouts. "There were so many strikeouts in this series, even Adam Dunn was like, 'God damn.'"
In the quarterfinal round of the Women's World Cup, England and France are playing right now on ESPN. That will be followed by Germany vs. Japan. Tomorrow at 7 a.m. will see Sweden vs. Australia, followed by Brazil vs. the United States, both on ESPN.
Fox's game of the week is San Diego at the Dodgers, second-place Atlanta at first-place Philadelphia, or Minnesota at the White Sox. 4 p.m. check local listings. WGN has the Cubs and Pirates at 7. Tomorrow, baseball goes into the All-Star break with Braves-Phillies on TBS and Cubs-Pirates on WGN at 1:30, with the Mets at San Francisco on ESPN at 8. The All-Star Futures Game, showcasing top minor league talent, is on ESPN2 at 6.
NASCAR's Quaker State 400 is on TNT today at 7:30. F1's British Grand Prix rolls tomorrow; Fox has it in the states on tape-delay, at noon. The Honda Indy Toronto is on Versus at 2 tomorrow.
Golf has the U.S. Women's Open's third and fourth rounds today and tomorrow on NBC at 3; the Tour de France is on Versus at 8 a.m. both days. Tomorrow night, watch Timber Joey cut some wood as Seattle visits Portland in the MLS' I-5 derby.
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(Image by Andy Lyons | Getty)