To: Kotakuland
From: Owen
Re: What Do You Want From Santa?

Mine is a family raised on bad puns and inscrutable inside jokes. We deliberately corrupt words and then use them in conversation without batting an eye. For example, dinner might be "country-style snake." Or, salmon is "slalom," (and a big portion is "giant slalom.") Chapstik, or any lip balm, is "lip blam." The child in a Nativity scene is "LBJ," short for "Lil'baby Jesus."

Sure, plenty of people call the housewares big box "Bloodbath and Beyond." But to my brother and me, we buy hardware at "Home Despot." And speaking of despots, who better to pretreat your laundry than the "Stalin Stick"?

The best example: Back in 1992, Dad got a Ford Explorer for his company car (this was later my vehicle in Colorado. Covering a wildfire once, Crecente remarked that despite all the smoke around us it still smelled of "french fries and ass.") Well, like Letterman from the Electric Company, all you have to do is change one letter and the name becomes even more hilarious. Thus, "Explorer," quickly became "Exploder."

Well, this week I had to head down to the Autozone to replace my Mustang's battery. It had been pampered by California weather for four years and then brutalized by the cold snap earlier this month. Out in the parking lot I'm hooking it up when when this very nice-looking white F-350 pulls up and unloads a young family. The dad's about my age, the mom, too, and then their two tow-headed rugrats come piling out.


"Nice Ford," I say, "my mother has one like that, drags a horse trailer with it."

"Thanks," says the dad. "It was a real bargain, only about $7,000." And then standing on the far side of the continent, 2,800 miles from from my home in North Carolina, he adds without provocation: "After we got rid of The Exploder."

Some highlights from the holiday weekend:

Wait - New Game Plus Is in Mass Effect 2?
How Will New Rules Affect In-Flight Gaming?
Playboy Teases Us With the Ultimate Coulda-Been Game
3D Realms CEO Vows Duke Nukem 'Resurgence' in 'Next Few Years'
In Tight Times, Gamers Dig Deep for the Needy
The Sports Video Games of the Year


Confused about commenting on Kotaku? Read our FAQ.