Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to…
I was the last one left after the nuclear holocaust, eh. The whole world had been destroyed, like the U.S. blew up…
That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I…
I can't believe this, Wyatt. I'm so disappointed in us. All our lives we've been saying how great it would be if we…
I grab a deal. I choke him and I kick the shit out of him. All day long got my foot up a deal's ass. Just bang,…
Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now…
You think you can catch Keyser Soze? You think a guy like that comes this close to getting caught and sticks his…
I am very thrilled and proud to be here. It's been a wonderful ceremony here on behalf of our own Fred "The Dorf"…
Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're…
Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out…
I came up with a new game show idea recently. It's called The Old Game. You got three old guys with loaded guns…
I think I've turned a corner. I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good…
Hollywood lost one of its most quotable comedic actors this week when Leslie Nielsen, 84, passed away at a Fort…
We aren't done with the shopping holidays before the holidays. Tomorrow's Cyber Monday, a new tradition whereby…
Holiday retail season is officially upon us, and the deals aren't offered only on the Friday after Thanksgiving. We…
What is going to happen? Something wonderful. I'm afraid. Don't be. We'll be together. Where will we be? Where I am…
No snappy puns this time, just a classic, straight up parody of an action movie directed by my good pal Lon Lopez,…
Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't preorder Star Wars: STFU II with a…
You're thinking, "did he fire six shots or five?" Being this is a dented Logitech box, the most powerful discount in…
There's no way on earth we're going to get out of here tonight. We'd have more luck playing pickup sticks with our…