Years ago, Fallout fans discovered that it was possible to escape the opening area of Fallout 3 at the start of the game, thus allowing players to go through a game as a baby. It was a fun trick, sure, but it seemed untenable for an entire game...until now.
YouTuber Bryan Pierre just managed to complete a playthrough in which he starts off as, and finishes, Fallout 3 as a baby. For those of you that have never seen this before, basically, there’s a part of the game in the opening where you are briefly a toddler. During this segment, you can read a baby book and assign yourself your SPECIAL stats. Eventually your dad comes into the room, and the game flashes forward a few years to your birthday. Clever players figured out that if you beeline to the door where your father comes in during this scene, you can actually leave the playpen area and remain a child. And that’s exactly what Pierre did here:
Of course, he doesn’t stop there. Aiming for a complete run, he gives himself the following stats and attributes:
Yes, he plays as a baby genius who really loves small guns. It’s necessary to survive the playthrough, as you’re actually quite vulnerable when you play as a baby (who would have thought?)
While the entire run takes hours, it’s quite an educational delight that gives us a glimpse at what makes Fallout 3 tick. Playing as a baby means moving at a snail’s pace—you are, after all, “crawling” on the floor. “You are at an extreme disadvantage,” Pierre notes, mostly because when an enemy sees you, you can’t really run away. Other quirks that come with this run include a messed-up PipBoy function (Pierre has to use a mod to utilize it), as well as the inability to swim normally. You also lose the ability to interact with certain objects, which are unavailable to children. In short, playing as a baby is kind of a nuisance...but there are some advantages. For instance, playing as a baby means that your hitbox is hilariously small, and so sometimes certain enemies have difficulty harming you. On the other hand, being a tiny baby does mean that even simple creatures like mole rats seem like giant monsters.
It’s also funny to see wastelanders interact with you as if everything is perfectly normal. The denizens of the capital wasteland don’t discriminate against age, I guess, even if they do look silly talking to a pint-sized human. Who, by the way, looks like this:
The thing about being a baby in Fallout 3 is, you’re not actually a baby. Instead, the game renders an “adult” you, you just happen to be baby-sized. It’s amazing. My favorite part is watching Pierre pop someone’s head off, only to then scream DA-DA—the game lets you do the whole baby talk thing with the press of a button. It’s especially funny when Pierre goes up against bigger enemies, like mutants. He can practically run through their legs.
The size disparity is particularly ridiculous during the final portion of the game, with Liberty Prime:
So, there are plenty of hijinks to be had here, mixed with the typical Fallout flair. At one point, for example, Pierre becomes addicted to Buffout. You’re never too young on the wasteland, it would seem. And of course, there is the occasional hiccup. Fallout is glitchy like that. Still, I’d encourage you to watch through the entire series if you can. The end of the run can be viewed here, around the 1:55:00 mark:
Notice has nobody has any qualms sending a baby into a radiation pit. The price of saving humanity, huh? Thing is, Pierre is not actually tall enough to reach the water purification console. He has to bring in two pots, which he then stacks on top of each other, so he can climb them—and this allows him to just baaarely reach it. And again: the adults simply watch from a distance, confident that the baby can handle it. Yup. The baby is fine!
Gotta love (breaking) video games.
Top image: Craig Mullins.
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