Sharpedo Can Shoot Water Out Of Its Ass At 75 MPH

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Sharpedo!

Sharpedo Details

Type: Water/Dark

Average Height: 5‘ 11"

Average Weight: 195 lbs.

First Added In Generation III

If I was rating every Pokemon ever created based only on their names, Sharpedo would be at the top of the list. It’s a great name that also quickly lets you know what this thing is all about. It’s a shark that moves very fast. I mean VERY fast. According to Pokedex entries, Sharpedo is able to travel up to 75 to 80 miles per hour. It does this via a jetstream of water that shoots out of, as the Pokedex calls it, the creature’s “backside.” Also known as its asshole.

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Maybe I’m being a bit crude, but a hole in the rear of creature sounds like it could be an asshole. I’m not a biologist or Pokemon expert, so I might be wrong. Regardless of where the water is shooting from, that kind of speed and power sounds dangerous and scary. This is a not a creature I would want to screw around with during some sort of reality show for Sharpedo Week. Though I would happily watch that show because I bet these things can jump REALLY high out of water. It would make the jumps those leaping Great White sharks pull off look like nothing.

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According to Bulbapedia, Sharpedos feed on Wailmers, which are large whale-like Pokemon. Like real sharks, Sharpedo is able to smell blood in the water from great distances. Once it reaches its target, it can use its powerful jaws and sharp teeth to bite through nearly anything, even steel. I’d like to see Brody take this thing on. I think the movie Jaws would be a very different film if this was the shark those boys had to face.

Sadly, Sharpedos have had to deal with overfishing, just like real sharks in our world. I would have hoped the people of the Pokemon world would treat their planet a bit more carefully than we do, but I guess I was wrong. Some people even hunted Sharpedos for their dorsal fins. I hope Sharpedo got some revenge on these bastards.

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Favorite Fan Art

Illustration: Raul Eduardo Sanchez Osorio (ArtStation)
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Hey, look at that! It’s another example of how terrifying the ocean-dwelling Pokemon would be if they really existed.

Random Facts

  • When Sharpedo loses a tooth it regrows almost instantaneously. Not sure how that works, but it sounds very useful if your primary way of interaction is biting stuff.
  • Sharpedo can Mega Evolve and become even faster. In this more powerful form, Sharpedo can travel at speeds of up to 125 mph.
  • I love that Bulbapedia explains its name. I guess some folks might not get it. For those who need some help, it’s like a torpedo and shark got mixed together and turned into one creature. A Sharpedo if you will. But never call it a Torpeark, because that is just dumb.
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Best Comment From Last Week

How do they put the keys on? There is no opening? Do they just tear themselves open to add keys?

-JB135

I can’t stop thinking about this imagery. This seems like a painful thing to do, but it also explains why Klefki never gives up any keys easily. I wouldn’t either if I had to rip my arm off my body to do it.

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About the author

Zack Zwiezen

Kotaku Weekend Editor | Zack Zwiezen is a writer living in Kansas. He has written for Gamecritics, USgamer, Killscreen and Entertainment Fuse.