See If I Die In The First Five Minutes Of Bloodborne

Illustration for article titled See If I Die In The First Five Minutes Of Bloodborne

Being a From Software title in the Something Souls vein, the only thing keeping me from endless death is loading screens and cinematics. Can I beat the clock?

If you would like to hear from someone proficient in games of Bloodborne's ilk, then I gladly point you in Mr. Patrick Klepek's direction. I like my 3D hack-and-slash games with a healthy dose of nigh-immortality, something From Software's PlayStation 4 exclusive cannot offer me. Still I do like the speed, even if it only means I charge to my death faster than ever before.

As is standard with First Fives, here's the game's official description for those of you who came into this post on a dare.

Introducing Bloodborne, the latest Action RPG from renowned Japanese developer From Software, exclusively for the PlayStation 4 system. Face your fears as you search for answers in the ancient city of Yharnam, now cursed with a strange endemic illness spreading through the streets like wildfire. Danger, death and madness lurk around every corner of this dark and horrific world, and you must discover its darkest secrets in order to survive.


Did I or didn't I? I'll never tell. You can probably guess. As I type this my in-game character is standing in front of a gate from which shuffling sounds and growls emanate at regular intervals. I'll be standing here for quite awhile.

The First Five is the first five minutes of a game with light commentary. Once the five minutes are up, so are we.

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Oh, hey. A click-bait title that doesn't even answer the issue central to the click-bait nature of that title. It's a new low.