Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Purrloin!
Average Height: 1' 04"
Average Weight: 22.3 lbs
First Added In Generation V
The internet is filled with mostly two things: Cats and angry people. Folks read stories and forums filled with angry commenters and then watch videos of cute kittens to calm down enough so they can go back and read more stories, which then begins the cycle again. So Purrloin is essentially the internet in the form of a Pokemon.
According to Bulbapedia, Purrloin feels amusement from causing frustration. How does it cause frustration? It just steals people’s stuff. Not very clever. It reminds me of those Youtube “prank” channels that just do terrible things to people and then yell “Prank!!” at the end. However, even when Purrloin is caught in the act stealing or doing something else terrible it rarely gets punished because it looks extremely cute. The entire Pokemon world is filled with pushovers, it seems.
Sometimes Purrloin will use this cute facade to get close to people and then attack them with its sharp claws. Adding insult injury, it then laughs at its victim while it stands upon two legs and walks away. It doesn’t SAY this in any Pokedex entry, but I assume it walks away while flipping its victim off with one hand and posting about the incident on Twitter with the other hand. “Just fucked this dude up and took his car keys! #TeamCat #CATATTACK”
Also, I want to point out that this cat isn’t even that cute. It looks weird and alien-like. If I saw this cat in the real world I would be disturbed and confused. If it tried to steal from me I would assume it was some sort of shape-shifting monster or wizard and I would then kick it. This would be a mistake, I understand, and I would get my ass scratched up real good. But to be clear, at no point during this encounter would I find this purple piece of shit cute.
Now, this is a cute kitty! I could easily see myself letting this cat get away with two or even three murders. Probably not four... probably.
- Purrloin is the only Pokemon with a base state of 281.
- I didn’t realize until today that purloin is a fancy way of saying “steal.” This is one of the more clever names I’ve seen in Pokemon.
- According to a Pokedex entry on Bulbapedia, this cat Pokemon has a rivalry with Nickit, a fox-like Pokemon who steals too. No honor among thieves.
I’m more horrified by the fact that it’s a three-foot-tall spider than the fact that its marginally more sadistic. Spiders and neat and friendly when they eat flies and mosquitoes. Significantly less friendly and more nightmarish when they’re just the right size to be devouring human toddlers.
See, I mentally blocked out the idea of a giant spider creeping around and eating people. And then you go and post this comment and now I’m sitting in my office scared and pretty sure that’s just a pillow under that blanket on my couch...
Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend and click here to see all of the past Pokemon we have covered.