Ariados Is One Cold-Hearted Bastard

Illustration for article titled Ariados Is One Cold-Hearted Bastard
Image: The Pokemon Company / Kotaku

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Ariados!

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Ariados Details

Type: Bug/Poison

Average Height: 3' 07"

Average Weight: 73.9 lbs

First Added In Generation II


Imagine you are some small, crappy little Pokemon and you are out exploring the jungle, looking for food. Suddenly you get grabbed by Ariados, a colorful spider Pokemon. It covers you in webbing and begins to drink your blood. This whole experience sucks and eventually, you accept that you are going to die. But then it does something weird. It lets you go. You take off back into the jungle, happy to be alive, though still a bit light-headed from the bloodsucking. You finally get back to your family and friends. They were worried about you, but thankfully you got away and everything is okay.

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Then you feel something on your ass, a vibration. You look back and see a single strand of nearly invisible webbing. And its shaking. You start to pull at it, as your family asks why you look scared, but something is on the other end of the line. A moment later the spider that let you go explodes from the bushes behind you and in the few seconds you have before it eats you and your family, you realize it used you to reach your family.

Illustration for article titled Ariados Is One Cold-Hearted Bastard
Screenshot: The Pokemon Company

According to Pokedex entries found on Bulbapedia, this is exactly what Ariados does and that’s why it’s one cold-hearted and evil asshole. Eating other creatures to survive is just nature. It sucks for the animal getting killed, but it is necessary. What isn’t necessary and is instead really cruel (and admittedly clever) is grabbing your prey and then letting it go, only to track it down later and kill its companions.

And it might not even kill you right away! It often wraps its prey up in webbing and keeps around, drinking blood from its captured prey whenever it gets thirsty. So not only did you lead this terrible creature back to your family and friends, but now you are all trapped together and forced to slowly watch each other be drained to death. I can guarantee you there is some blame being tossed your way in that scenario.

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Favorite Fan Art

Illustration for article titled Ariados Is One Cold-Hearted Bastard
Photo: MarakiO
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Something different, but I found this origami recreation of Ariados so cute and cool. I mean, it’s still an evil and devious monster, but also: Look at those cute little legs!

Random Facts

  • According to one Pokedex entry, Ariados spins web from its ass and its mouth, but it’s hard to tell “which end is which.” That’s a quite the insult.
  • People that live in areas with these Pokemon collect their webbing and use it to make clothing that its very strong and hard to tear.
  • Ariados is one of the few Pokémon whose in-game sprites in both Gold and Silver are identical.
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Best Comment From Last Week

“He has tired, bloodshot red eyes, a round bulbous body, and he’s covered in unsightly bumps. I ask you, who amongst us cannot relate to this magnificent beast?”

-Cartoonivore

I feel attacked. But also...accurate.

Previously On Here’s Another Pokemon...

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Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend and click here to see all of the past Pokemon we have covered.

Kotaku Weekend Editor | Zack Zwiezen is a writer living in Kansas. He has written for GameCritics, USgamer, Kill Screen & Entertainment Fuse.

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DISCUSSION

cartoonivore
Cartoonivore

Still waiting for Ariauno and Ariatres.