Kotaku 'Shop Contest Simulator 2014

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Earlier this week, Kotaku's Evan Narcisse suggested that simulator games (goat, grass, rock) were getting out of hand. I say they're not out of hand until our image manipulation experts have their way with them.


We'll show him out of hand. By the time our 'shop experts get done creating the worst possible "Simulator" games they can image, it'll be so out of hand it'll be foot. I'm not sure that phrasing works, but I'm sticking with it.

For those of you itching to create horrible images, your task is simple - take the most inane, stupid, horrific, evil or any number of negative adjectives simulation game you can imagine, and make it real-ish. Create a game box for it, or mock up a screenshot. Garnish it with some slanted white text (up to you, but it's so classy), and you're all done.


1. Create your 'Shop and save it to your desktop. Images must be at least 636 pixels wide. If they aren't, you will be shot.

2. Go to the bottom of this post

3. This brings up a comment window. Click

4. This brings up Click "Choose file" if you're uploading your 'shop from your desktop

5. Alternatively, you can upload the 'Shop to a free image hosting service. I suggest imgur. Then paste the image's URL into the field that says "Image URL." Note: this must be the URL of the image itself, not the page where it is displayed. That means the URL ends in .jpg, .gif, .png, whatever.

6. Add editorial commentary and hit submit and your image will load. If it doesn't, upload the image to imgur and paste the image URL as a comment. I promise I will look at it.

7. Large-size images may not upload properly, though we have seen some big-ass animated .gifs upwards of 5 MB. If you're still having trouble uploading the image, try to keep its longest dimension (horizontal or vertical) under 1000 pixels, or the whole thing under 2 MB.

Simulation initiated.

To contact the author of this post, write to fahey@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter @bunnyspatial.

Top image via Shutterstock



Here's my humble one: