Thanks to games like Fish Out of Water! and Reef Run, I've spent more hours underwater this week than the two months following the theatrical release of The Little Mermaid, which my then-girlfriend made me watch at least a dozen times. That music, it never goes away.
They come flocking to my cauldron crying, "Spells, Ursula — please!" Now you see her. Sitting there across the way. She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her. You want thingamabobs? Dude, I've got a crapload of thingamabobs. Great. I'll be doing this all weekend long.
Oh wait. Whoa-whoa! There, best part of "Kiss the Girl."
Anywho, there are plenty of non-aquatic (up there on land, they understand, that you don't reprimand your daughters) son-of-a-bitch!
Just read the post while I go stab myself in the brain with a fork (not a comb).
Fish Out of Water! - iOS - $.99
What a nifty concept! You've got a school of different fish. You skip three of your choosing across the water, graded on distance, height, and number of skips. You join guilds and compete internationally. It's very cool.
Reef Run - iOS - Free
An aquatic adventure as old as time. Yes, it's the old shark-vs.-squid trop, but done in a very pleasant, casual-friendly sort of way.
Ugly Animals - iOS - Free
The only way ugly animals get dates is with gifts, and the only way to give gifts to pretty animals is physics stacking puzzles. It's complicated.
DerpBike - iOS - Free
From Airtight Games, home of Portal creator Kim Swift, comes the absolutely derpiest dirt bike game ever created. The motor sound is a guy making a bike noise. It's just — perfect.
Ark of Sinners Advance - iOS - $2.99
A beautiful side-scrolling action game set in the RPG world of Anima: Beyond Fantasy. Mildly janky, but quite compelling.
Monster Blade - Android - Free
Well, what does it look like? It's sort of like Monster Hunter, only without all of the tedius moving around. Nice-looking game.
Sure, it's a four-year-old iPhone game. It's also a brand-new Android game, and it'll really make you appreciate how much of a pain-in-the-ass piloting a bomber must be.
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Pursued by a relentless robot across the rooftops of New York City, our young heroes must maintain a continuous supply of speed or they'll be abducted by aliens. Nickelodeon presets Paranoid Reptilian Methamphetamine Junkies. Or the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game for iOS. Read…