"I'm having trouble making sense of all this," writes Red, from the War of Porcine Passive Aggression. "They tell me I can come home after we get three stars on 3-18."
Yeah, well, it ain't gonna get no better on 3-19, corporal, I can assure you of that. Chris Riebschlager, a Kansas City web developer, wrote three Ken Burns documentary-worthy letters from the Angry Birds to their loved ones, then decided to mash it all up in that video. "All Angry Birds have dopey southern accents," he insists. Whereas all Civil War veterans sounded like David McCullough.