Gaming Reviews, News, Tips and More.
We may earn a commission from links on this page

GTA's Latest Teaser Shows Tennis, Triathlon, and Other Vanity Sports

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

Another update to the Grand Theft Auto V site gives us a glimpse of the leisure activities in Los Santos—always a draw of this series—as well as a preview of some of the radio stations in the game, less than two weeks before release.

"Fitness & Relaxation," brought to you by the "Egochaser Energy Bar" is above, and it shows attractive, energetic twentysomething Los Santosians engaging in pursuits that white people ages 31 to 49 throw money at, because buying Kashi GOLEAN Crunch! and conspicuously giving a fuck about the Tour de France means you're still physically desirable.


So you can expect tennis, triathlons, BASE jumping, hiking, ATV riding and all kinds of ESPN X-treme Shit to be in the menu of pastimes and side pursuits offered by this game. All we're missing is someone summiting a fucking national monument while your credit card company screams "Somebody left the gate OOOOOOOOO-PEN!"

But wait, there's more! Click on "Exciting music and entertainment" and you can hear previews from seven of the game's 17 radio stations. Or you can watch promos for two of its television offerings (the fall lineup for "CNT", and "Kung Fu Rainbow Lazer Force.") This is where Rockstar gives its equal-time lip service to liberal stereotype, because hey, if Call of Duty is any indication, Republicans buy a shitload of video games, too.


Grand Theft Auto V is out Sept. 17 and, whatever your age, race, gender, political persuasion, or debt limit, you're probably going to play it.

To contact the author of this post, write to or find him on Twitter @owengood.