Crusader Kings III's Cucumber King Is Not A Kinslayer, And You Can No Longer Mistake Your Infant Child For A Serial Killer

Illustration for article titled iCrusader Kings IIIs/i Cucumber King Is Not A Kinslayer, And You Can No Longer Mistake Your Infant Child For A Serial Killer
Illustration: Crusader Kings III / Kotaku

That’s right, it’s Crusader Kings III patch notes time.

The game—very likely my Game of The Year nomination—has already set a very high bar for patch notes, but this latest round has seen the mark improved.

I could list them all straight from Steam’s changelog, but really, it’s better—and more thematically appropriate—to hear them in the style of a town crier:

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Laugh if you will, but these wouldn’t have been detected and fixed if people hadn’t run into them as actual issues.

Luke Plunkett is a Senior Editor based in Canberra, Australia. He has written a book on cosplay, designed a game about airplanes, and also runs cosplay.kotaku.com.

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DISCUSSION

“You can no longer confide in friends you do not have.”

Never have a patch note made me feel as lonely as this.