Since it was announced that Chris Pratt was going to voice Mario in the upcoming animated movie, many have been wondering: What will he sound like in the film? And…we still don’t have an answer to that question, but the Guardians of the Galaxy star recently teased that his Mario voice sounds “unlike anything you’ve ever heard before” in the franchise. And now I’m scared.
In a recent interview with Variety, Pratt shared that he was excited for folks to hear and see his take on Mario.
“I worked really closely with the directors,” Pratt told Variety, “and [tried] out a few things and landed on something that I’m really proud of and can’t wait for people to see and hear”.
Then, for some reason, Pratt decided to take a moment during this interview to explain to people the concept of animated films and how they are different from live-action films, explaining that he won’t be wearing a “plumber suit” and “running all over” the place in the movie. Again, don’t think a single person expected the animated Mario film to be live-action, but..uh..thanks.
After that, the former Parks and Rec star ominously teased his take on Mario.
“I’m providing a voice for an animated character,” Pratt reminded us, again. “And it is updated and unlike anything you’ve heard in the Mario world before.”
There are a lot of noises, voices, and sound effects in the Mario franchise. So, if he doesn’t sound like any of that, what the Hell is Pratt going to sound like when this movie comes out? Perhaps he’s going to scream all his lines? Or maybe, every piece of dialogue spoken by Mario will be reversed, creating a nightmarish spin on the character? Or maybe, and this is my own silly theory, Mario won’t actually speak in the film at all beyond like one line towards the end and this whole Chris Pratt thing is an elaborate ruse?
It’s been nearly a year since Nintendo confirmed via a Direct that the cast for the upcoming Mario animated film would include Pratt as Mario. Since that exact moment, folks have mostly been confused or disappointed by the choice, even after the film’s producer recently said people’s criticisms of Pratt would “evaporate” after they finally saw the film. I’m…not so sure of that.
If you are curious, you can read here about why so many folks hate Chris Pratt, but long story short: The dude has some questionable politics, went to a shitty church, and has recently over-saturated Hollywood. I mean, the guy is voicing Garfield in the next animated film about the lasagna-loving feline. He’s in the next big Thor sequel out next month. He’s currently starring in the latest Jurassic World feature. And he’s in the next big Amazon Prime action film. The dude is everywhere, and, understandably, folks are tired of it.
And now, even the upcoming Mario film—which was recently delayed until 2023 and remains officially untitled—isn’t safe to enjoy if you are tired of seeing or hearing more of Pratt’s generic dude-bro-white-guy shtick.
At least the odds are high that this new Mario movie will be terrible and boring, so you likely won’t even care about skipping it.