Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Camerupt!
Average Height: 6' 03"
Average Weight: 485.0 lbs.
First Added In Generation III
Do you remember the movie Anger Management? Probably not. It was a meh comedy from 2003 starring Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson. However, you might remember the 2012 FX series based on the movie starring Charlie Sheen. I remember it and not because it was good or funny, but because FX agreed to a wild deal where if the first 10 episodes were successful, the network would order 90 more. That happened and then for nearly a year the show’s ratings died and FX just had to keep supporting it until it aired 100 episodes. It’s all bizarre.
Anyway, this week’s Pokemon is Camerupt and it could use some anger management. But not the show or movie, actual anger management. This is because when it gets mad the volcanoes located on its body erupt and spew dangerously hot lava everywhere.
Camerupt is one of those Pokemon that just truly boggles my mind. How does this work? According to Bulbapedia, the magma inside this funky, firey camel clocks in at the incredibly hot temperature of 18,000 °F (10,000 °C). That’s nearly as hot as a McDonald’s coffee! YOWZA! (Sorry, I’m practicing some material for some stand-up sets I’m doing next month.) But really, this magma is hot enough to melt steel and other metals, and it just sloshes around inside Camerupt’s belly without killing it in the process? I know Pokemon are weird and stuff, but I still find myself confused by it all.
It’s said that Camerupt can become uncontrollably upset if it is hit in the face and, yeah... fair. If someone just clocked me in the face, I’d be mad for a while. Assuming I wasn’t knocked out cold. I wouldn’t spew hot lava around me and possibly kill people and destroy homes, but I’d maybe, I don’t know, punch a wall or swear a lot, very loudly. Shit, maybe I need anger management. Not therapy, the show.
- Don’t worry. I’m no longer hiding out in that tree watching for Talonflames. They filed a restraining order on me after I yelled from the tree that they are forest-fire-starting bastards. Shit, maybe I do need anger management...
- One Pokedex entry for Camerupt mentions this disturbing visual image. “The humps on Camerupt’s back are formed by a transformation of its bones.” So those volcanoes are... bone holes? Gross.
- Yes, this Pokemon “spews” hot liquid out of orifices I just referred to as “BONE holes” and is called CAMErupt. We are all mature enough to not make any jokes about this, I assume. I ASSUME.
Don’t think I wouldn’t notice that sex toy thrown in there, Zach. . .
I’ll need a full-length investigative report on the connection between Heatmor and that sex toy that looks similar to Heatmor.
You found my Easter egg! You can read more about Heatmor and sex toys on this very website. (I’ve ruined Kotaku. I’m sorry.)