Box Scores: Holy Crap, We Have a Box Score

Illustration for article titled Box Scores: Holy Crap, We Have a Box Score

Bristol Rovers aren't a good side. They finished in the middle of League One this past season. But in HatchC2's FIFA 10 universe, they're in their third English Premier League season, and first Champions League finals appearance, facing Bayern Munich.


More than that, the Pirates have dispatched AC Milan and Barcelona getting to this stage. HatchC2, playing in Manager Mode, notes that because Bristol is new to England's top division, it has only $140,000 to spend on salary per week, while Bayern can spend more than 10 times that much a week.

"Having clearly watched too much US soccer recently, I give up the first goal in the 17th minute after [Bastian] Schweinsteiger lobotomizes my defense to find [Miroslav] Klose in the box. Bristol Rovers don't see a shot hit the keeper until injury time of the first half when my Pro character takes a terrible FK that curls right into him."


In the second half, HatchC2 swapped his right back for the "towering Brazilian holding midfielder Alessandro" and adopts a counterstrike strategy. "Finally in the 74th minute my Paraguayan striker slinks behind the offsides trap of Bayern and scores. For the rest of the half I pepper the German keeper with shots from all over that normally go in - two volleys in the box from our French captain, clear headers off corners and more exploits of the trap."

In extra time, Bayern sends nine forward and barely misses a score in the 112th minute, as Hatch's Polish keeper barely nicks the ball for the save. Anticipating penalty kicks, Hatch starts subbing in specialists. A Bayern corner kick is blasted off the crossbar and rebounds all the way to midfield, where Hatch's Pro gathers it up, crosses to Otto Koehler, a 17-year-old German striker no less, whose header bangs off the post - but hits the keeper in the back and rebounds into the net for the.

"Since there's no way to have someone manually go down and not get up until the Magic Spray or stretcher come out, Bayern still has a chance," HatchC2 writes. "They send Klose back into the box after the restart and Ribery tries once again to find him but the keeper Kaczmarek punches it to midfield and the whistle blows. Bristol avoids penalties and earns a Double. It's stupefying to see the screenshot and know that I had 12 shots stopped by the keeper."

And here's the goods:

Illustration for article titled Box Scores: Holy Crap, We Have a Box Score

And congratulations to HatchC2 and Bristol Rovers. See folks, that wasn't so hard! All you have to do to get yourself featured in Box Scores' Game of the Week is take a picture of whatever you've been playing - crappy cell picture will do - write up a couple sentences about why it was so compelling, and email it to me, owenATkotakuDOTcom, with "Game of the Week" in the subject header.

Now our sports open thread commences with the TV schedule today and tomorrow.

All times U.S. Eastern.

  • World Cup
    Germany just kicked the che out of Argentina; if Spain finishes off Paraguay, on ABC beginning in 30 minutes, it should also finish off talk of this being South America's tournament.
  • Baseball
    Fox's games of the week today are the Mets at Washington, Tampa Bay at Minnesota, or Florida at Atlanta. 4 p.m., check local listings. If you're thinking that the Nats are on this list because Stephen Strasburg is pitching, you are correct. 4 p.m. At 8, the White Sox are at Texas on WGN.

    Tomorrow, we find out if Strasburg made the All-Star game when TBS broadcasts the selection show at noon. Then it's Toronto at New York at 1 p.m. I can think of no more fitting contest for the Fourth of July than to see the Yankees fighting our Canadian oppressors. Reds and Cubs are on WGN at 2:10, ESPN's Game of the Week is the Royals at the Angels at 8. Because Zack Greinke's pitching? No, something called Anthony Lerew is on the mound for Kansas City.
  • Tennis
    Wimbledon just went off the air. Serena Williams easily won her fourth singles title. Tomorrow, Spain's Rafael Nadal faces the Czech Republic's Tomas Berdych in the gentlemen's final.
  • Major League Soccer
    On Sunday, the Seattle Xbox 360s face the Los Angeles Herbalife at 10:30 p.m., ESPN2. Hey, it ain't the World Cup, but we're no longer in that tournament.
  • Cycling
    The Tour de France begins, albeit in the Netherlands. It started two and a half hours ago on Versus. If that's not still on, it resumes tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. I hear this year, after odd-numbered stages, all riders will be asked to use the blood of the rider who finished immediately behind them. The last-place guy gets Floyd Landis's.
  • Motorsports
    I remember when this used to be called the Coca-Cola 400. Hell, I remember when it was called the Pepsi 400. Now it's the Coke Zero 400. Has NASCAR no respect for tradition?! Anyway, it's at Daytona at 7:30 p.m., on TNT.
  • Mixed martial arts
    Fedor laid an egg last week, proving that EA Sports MMA already has a cover curse without being out. Brock Lesnar tries to prove there isn't one for UFC Undisputed. He and Shane Carwin duke it out in Vegas at 10. Pay-per-view.
  • Track and field
    Man, Eugene is racking up the national broadcasts. The Prefontaine Classic, from historic Hayward Field on the campus of the University of Oregon, is at 4:30 p.m. on NBC.

    Remember, you may send Game of the Week nominations to owenATkotakuDOTcom, and flag it "Game of the Week" in the subject header. Please include your commenter handle for proper credit.

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Hey Owen, I just wanted to know what your interest was in soccer before the cup started and what it is now? Did it instantly die off once the States got the boot? Being born and growing up for a few years outside of the country, then moving here at a young age, I've always had an interest in the sport that my fellow American born/raised buddies never had. My favorite sport is definitely football (of the American kind) but I do wish I could follow some Euro soccer without paying a premium for it.