Welcome to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don't take that personal.

Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor

Released: June 19.

Critic: JabbaTheSlush (Metacritic)
• "[T]his is a solid one out of ten."
Score: 1 (out of 10).


Critic: Kadeemluvmusic (Metacritic)
• "... [a] bad flavor of a chocolate Call of Duty mud cake."
Score: 0.

Critic: somebody worried (Amazon)
• "This review is based off of 4 youtube reviews, and about 8 magazine reviews as I do not own a Kinect."
Score: 1 star.

Max Payne 3 (PC)

Released: June 1.

Critic: diesbildnis (Metacritic)
• "[E]ssentially Duck Hunt 2012 with swearing and long cut scenes."
Score: 1.


Gravity Rush

Released: June 12

Critic: ilikeeverything (Metacritic)
• "I really like this game because it feels French and I kinda like French things every now and then like French fries. "
Score: 0.


Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management hour, unless it isn't.