Welcome to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don't take that personal.
This week's review of measured disappointment and constructive criticism includes condemnation for a widely admired brand in independent games development, and sympathy for Hitler.
Minecraft Xbox 350
Released: May 9
Critic: ChodeyMitchell
• "The only way you would ever enjoy this is if you have never played Minecraft in your life."
Score: 2.
Sniper Elite V2
Released: May 2
Critic: ApocalypseBrown
• "Since my last review was deleted due to childish sensitivities and melodramatic over-reactions from amateur reviewers who either can't score games properly using decimal points or believe this game A.I is the second coming, to those professional reviewers who disgracefully rewarded this game a 4 when awarding Ridge Racer Unbounded a 9!"
• "[T]his is a rental at best though you're welcome to believe the sheep and waste your hard earned!"
Score: 6.
Critic: ShootTheZombie
• "I loved shooting a Russian sniper 200ft away from me in the eye."
Score: 6.
Fable Heroes
Released: May 2
Critic: S_Jake (Metacritic).
• "Six words: Like Castle Crashers minus the fun."
• "If you haven't played Castle Crashers, then download that instead of this steaming pile of mundanity." [Editor's note: That's actually a word.]
• "If you have, then go and play it again rather than waste you time with this."
Score: 4.
Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management hour, unless it isn't.