Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Abomasnow!
Type: Grass / Ice
Average Height: 7’ 03”
Average Weight: 298.7 lbs.
First introduced in Generation IV
It’s too damn hot out right now across large parts of the globe. As these hotter summers become more and more common (And climate change continues to get worse so they will become more common) many of us want relief. No, we need relief. A blast of cool weather could literally save lives. So, I suggest we all play some sweet tunes and try to get Abomasnow to start shaking its ass. It’s honestly our best hope at this point.
I don’t ask for Abomasnow to start shaking its moneymaker because I’m like...into that. (If you are into that, no judgment, but that ain’t my style.) No, I ask because according to Bulbapedia and Pokedex entries, Abomasnow can create blizzards and snow simply by shaking its body. Me being me, I assume when the Pokedex says “body” it really means “furry ass.” I assume this about many things in life. It’s only sometimes a problem.
But yes, if Abomasnow starts shaking its ass or stomach, for you boring folks out there, it will create “whiteout conditions.” It’s also said to be able to whip up blizzards and even bring them around when it appears. So we have a cute creature that can bring cold weather wherever it goes. We need like 200 of these things spread across the United States right now.
Of course, Abomasnow is more than a one-trick ice pony. It’s also known to defend Snovers from predators by swinging its large, powerful arms around like giant hammers. If you take a wallop from one of these, not only do you go flying off into the air, but because of all the booty shaking, you land in a bunch of snow and die of internal bleeding and frostbite. There are... better ways to die.
- Girls, girls, get the cash,
If it’s nine to five or shakin’ you ass.
- Ain’t no shame ladies, do your thing,
Just make sure you ahead of the game.
- Abomasnow lives in snowy mountains and only comes down when certain flowers bloom. Once they die, it shakes its ass back up the hill.
How is the title not “Bidoof just doesn’t give a dam”?
Come on it’s not too late to change it.
-Marmotte Desormiers Bourdeau
Are you trying to get me fired? Please, don’t point out my terrible headlines like this.
Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend!