Two people coming together and sharing hands (or bumping fists) is a fundamental human act, a near-universal sign of greeting and/or friendship. Why, then, do people keep fucking it up so badly?

THIS IS YOUR SLOW CONNECTION/BROWSER WARNING

A succession of video game people killing us with their awkward touching recently has led me down memory lane to this, a collection of some of the most stomach-churning hand contact disasters from both video games and the outside world.

Poor Peter Molyneux. He promised in rehearsals that he’d get this right.

The scale of the disaster is matched only by the swiftness of Conan’s recovery.

Geoff Keighley once murdered a man on live television.

When Smash players shake hands like they play Smash Bros.

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Moving on from video games...

No...

Please...

Stop...

Please...

If you’re still alive and capable of cognitive thought after this assault on the senses, let’s close things out with Tom Brady. Who, despite being beautiful, rich, an NFL legend and married to a super model, consistently behaves like this:

Oh Tom.