The look of terror in my eyes is half the idea of Oreo cookies filled with Swedish Fish “flavor creme,” half the outrageous pressure put on me to eat them from the moment they became a real thing. I have done your bidding. Please release my family. The good ones, at least.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Both are technically edible. Blueberry Pie Oreos are a sort of a pale violet that looks nothing like something that should make its way to your stomach.

Only the dedicated food scientists at Nabisco could create a chocolate and cream cookie that tastes slightly different from another chocolate and cream cookie. Or maybe a cupcake? It’s hard to say.

When you’re a massive international snack company, there’s no better way to celebrate the holidays than pumping your signature cookie filling with red food coloring and peppermint oil. Let’s eat some of that.

Remember when you’d go camping as a kid and sit around a campfire roasting marshmallows for s’mores? I don’t, which is why I used a cigarette lighter on a S’mores Oreo instead.

Really? There are Pumpkin Spice Oreos now? Fine. Let's get this over with.