Really? There are Pumpkin Spice Oreos now? Fine. Let's get this over with.
There are two types of people in this world — those who adore foodstuffs flavored with pumpkin spice, and those getting increasingly close to committing murder every time someone smacks their lips, squeals and claps their cute little mittened hands together at the mere mention of it.
Now I don't know why those other people are wearing mittens in early September, but I've got a theory that it's these touch-muffling mittens that keep them from realizing the seasonal pumpkin spice craze has gotten out of hand. What began with a latte here or a cookie there has exploded to the point where one out of every two things existing between late August and January is pumpkin spice flavored. Feel free to lick the person nearest you to test that out.
Those of you who frequent Facebook and other places where people post stupid things will no doubt be familiar with this image.
Forget the rest of the silliness and focus on the second bullet point: "absolutely no real pumpkin in ingredients." Realization of how ridiculous this statement is should kick in immediately. If not, move on to the next paragraph. Everyone else already has.
Pumpkin spice is not a product of the pumpkin. It's a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and allspice that people use to ensure that pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread and other baked goods with pumpkin in the name taste absolutely nothing like a real pumpkin.
Have you ever picked up a pumpkin and taken a bite? Maybe grabbed the slimy, seed-riddle innards while making a jack-o-lantern for Easter (yes, I know) and started shoveling them into your mouth by the fistful? If so, what the hell is wrong with you?
Pumpkin spice is the name for a combination of spices used to make pumpkin taste less horrible. Complaining that a pumpkin spice latte contains no real pumpkin is like complaining that your A1 Steak Sauce latte contains no real steak.
And that's why I want to start biting faces every time one of those mysteriously-mittened individuals shows up, kissing miniature gourdes and saying things like "Mmmmm, pumpkiny."
Mmm, gingerbread spice. The recipe varies, but it's generally a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and allspice (cloves often factor in there as well). So pretty much the same thing, only with less food coloring and obnoxious people don't run around making out with ginger root in public (though honestly I'd approve.)
Remember a couple of years back when Nabisco debuted the Gingerbread Oreos? These are just like those, only with less clove taste and more orange. Here's the inside of a Gingerbread Oreo, via JunkFoodGuy:
And here's the inside of a Pumpkin Spice Oreo:
What we can infer from these two photos and the information I've provided, is that if I took away the hint of molasses and clove from the Gingerbread creme, it would turn bright orange. Or Nabisco thinks we cannot accept something tastes like not-a-pumpkin unless it's the same color as a pumpkin. Nothing makes any sense anymore.
Ooo, paprika extract!
Don't you want to see the video portion of the review?
If not, the main takeaway is "floppy creme".
Nothing like pumpkin, that's for sure. In case you're keeping track, that's a good thing.
Pumpkin Spice Oreos, like many other things precluded by the words "pumpkin spice", are quite tasty. The subtle bite of the spices combined is nicely controlled by the vanilla Oreo cookies, which have grown on me over the years. The creme portion is firmer than most Oreo cremes I've encountered, maintaining its disc shape once removed from the cookie portion despite vigorous shaking.
Yes, shaking the creme is an important part of reviewing Oreos. Shut up.
Pumpkin spice lovers are sure to be satisfied, and I'm not just saying that because they don't know any better and would happily run out into the middle of highway traffic if Dodge released a limited edition Pumpkin Spice Durango.
As for the haters out there, it doesn't really matter. This isn't a battle of taste anymore, but rather a battle of taste. I mean it's tongue taste versus soul taste. I am not explaining this well. I guess what I am trying to say is that haters, as they are, will continue to hate, no matter how many pairs of mittens you slip on their hands when they aren't looking.