"Luigi is a man who lives in fear of constant Bowser attacks... I think his fears are misplaced." If anybody should be afraid in comedian Wyatt Cenac's weird version of the Mario universe, it's Princess Peach.

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In the debut episode of The A.V. Club's new game show Pick A Choice—hosted by my good friend and snappy dresser John Teti—the Daily Show alum spins a pretty bizarre theory about the exact nature of Mario and Peach's "romantic relationship." Cenac starts riffing on his Mushroom Kingdom conspiracy at about 2:57. Once you hear the whole thing, you'll never look at Mario the same way again.