World's Fastest Mario 3 Player Versus Stephen Colbert Eating A Hot Pocket

Super Mario Bros. 3 speedrunner Mitch Fowler can finish the game in just over three minutes. Is that faster than Stephen Colbert can cook and eat a Hot Pocket? Well no, though it’s still pretty impressive.

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Fowler appeared on last night’s episode of The Late Show to promote Summer Games Done Quick, the ridiculously entertaining week-long speedrunning marathon that kicks off tomorrow. In a new segment called “Three-Legged Race,” Fowler put his mad Mario skills to task against the Columbia University men’s relay team running a mile and a celebrity trying to eat a Hot Pocket slow enough to make the segment work.

I don’t know how to speedrun Super Mario Bros. 3 (outside of playing fast), but I do know a thing or two about Hot Pockets. Even allowing an entire minute for the cooked food-tube to cool, there is no way Fowler was ever going to beat the eating.

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In optimal conditions Fowler, whose fastest SMB3 run is 3:05, could have taken the Columbia University men’s relay team. It can’t be easy to concentrate with the smell of pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets wafting your way. The studio lights and cheering crowd were probably fine, the man is a professional.

Kotaku elder, lover of video games, keyboards, toys, snacks, and other unsavory things.

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DISCUSSION

Unpopular opinion I know, but I feel that a speedrunner using glitches is the same as a marathon runner who uses shortcuts. Its obviously not the way its meant to be done. Might as well pop a gameshark in there and just have it run the credits, game over 12 seconds.