What If Pokémon Featured Real Animals And Tons Of Profanity

The world of Pokémon is bright, colorful, and filled with joy and wonder, but what if we replaced those colorful pocket monsters with real animals, and the kind-spirited characters with foul-mouthed Brits? I think it would go something like this.


Much of the ground covered by this short has been covered before. It is ridiculous for a grandfather not to know his grandson's name, and training in the fields while fighting in gyms is pretty ass backwards. What Ryan and Robert at TheHamWallet.com bring to the equation is a peculiar sort of charm. That, and a strong reliance on a four letter word that rhymes with fuck.


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This is why you don't make Pokemon realistic. Or ever think about making it realistic.

In real life, you're forcing an animal to attack another animal, to gain experience, to become a different animal, until it can't gain anymore experience and kicks the shit out of anything in its path.

In real life, you have a lizard that dies when its tail touches water.

In real life, any electric Pokemon would kill everything around it when it rained or bathed.

In real life, there would be devastating earthquakes so often from ground-types that the infrastructure of the world would be in shambles.

In real life, criminals could easily steal money/take pictures/invade privacy with ghost types.

In real life, plant types would perish unless watered properly.

In real life, the weather would constantly be changing due to someone making Pokemon change the weather. This would cause devastation to farms, which would lead to no one being able to farm anything without ridiculous prices. We'd all starve.

In real life, hospitals would be more cost effective in healing wounds as Chansey could do it within no time. Hospitals would no longer need the amount of doctors or buildings. The industry would collapse, losing jobs.

In real life, no one could make money by simply fighting animals against one another when barely anyone else works for actual money. And those who do give away so much free food and hospitality that they would never be able to make any money. Money would, in turn, be useless- and a bartering system would come into play. But a bartering system would make you give up Pokemon for food. This would mean you couldn't catch them all, and would likely have 1 or 2 good Pokemon and constantly be training others for trade for sustenance.

Real life sucks. Let's leave it to video games.