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Where The Heck Are All the Co-Op Buddy Cop Video Games?

In today’s hilariously mismatched episode of Speak Up on Kotaku, commenter Paradox Me raises one hell of a point about the distinct lack of buddy cop video games a ‘la Lethal Weapon. Seriously, what the hell? With co-op having swept the industry this generation, where are all of the buddy cop games? This seems like…

Speak Up Published May 7, 2012

Nintendo President Satoru Iwata Also Wonders Why the Avengers Need an Archer

“There is always the risk that you will run out of arrows. There is never a risk that The Incredible Hulk will run out of Hulk.” Hawkeye from the Avengers suffers the slings and arrows of outrageous Nintendo president in the latest installment of Nintendo Gamer‘s lost Iwata Asks files. No one is safe from…

By Mike Fahey Published May 7, 2012

There Will Be a New Need for Speed This Fall

Collect your winnings, people, on one of the safest bets in video games. There will be a new Need for Speed this fall, a fact EA believes it already told us (they did?). They’ve got it listed in a new slide that shows all their “announced” games for the rest of their financial year (ending…

By Stephen Totilo Published May 7, 2012

Star Wars: The Old Republic Loses 400,000 Subscribers

Star Wars: The Old Republic has dropped from 1.7 million active subscribers to 1.3 million, publisher Electronic Arts said today in an earnings statement. That’s a loss of nearly 25% for the massively multiplayer online role-playing game, or 400,000 subscribers. In its Q3 earnings statement earlier this year, EA reported 1.7 million The Old Republic…

By Jason Schreier Published May 7, 2012

Great Moments in Gaming Humor: A Squirrel in a World of S***

The funniest thing about Conker’s Bad Fur Day isn’t the boozing, sexual situations, drug use, or foul language. It’s not even the boss fight against a living mound of feces with teeth made of corn kernels. It’s the fact that this Nintendo 64 classic started out a kid’s game. Bad Fur Day isn’t the first…

By Mike Fahey Published May 7, 2012

How About a Call of Duty That Shows the Human Side of Not Fighting a War

War is hell, and it never changes. Even when game developers promise to depict the more human side of military conflict, it all boils down to shooting other people as close to the face as possible. I want a game that shows the human side of not fighting a war. Something like Call of Duty:…

By Mike Fahey Published May 7, 2012

Feeling Bluer Than a Certain Cerulean-Hued Hedgehog?

Call it reverse Seasonal Affect Disorder. Call it a recently realized jealousy of city park employees. Call it being stuck in a 9-5. Call your bad mood whatever you’d like—because no matter what, the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the birds are tweeting, and you’re stuck inside on Twitter. So goes the life…

The Dorkly Weekly: Video Game Real Estate Agents Have it Rough

Filled with rusty meet hooks, jumping snakes, and the odd retractable bridge over a pit of bubbling lava, video game real estate isn’t exactly burning up the market. Well, in some cases it is, but only literally. Bowser’s castle from Super Mario Bros. isn’t a safe place to raise a family, but a good real…

By Mike Fahey Published May 7, 2012

Fake Gamer Of The Week: I Wish I Were Dead

How… how could this be? I had it. I really thought I had it. But no. It’s over. I lost the match. There are no repeats. It’s never coming back. It’s over. Just like everything else in my life. Five years ago, I never thought it would be this way. I never thought I’d be…

By Jason Schreier Published May 7, 2012

Grab a Snack, It’s Time for Kotaku Off-Kilter

It’s time for an hour and a half of twisted humor and strangeness that we like to call Kotaku Off-Kilter. That, or just Steve.

By Mike Fahey Published May 7, 2012

Theory No. 5 About Why Nintendo Lost Money Last Year

Over at Yahoo (or maybe The Week), some unnamed editor has rounded up the opinions of four other writers to alchemize a theory or four about why Nintendo lost more than $400 million last year, the company’s first annual loss I’m not sure how they missed the theory that I dare say is the right…

By Stephen Totilo Published May 7, 2012

Dance, Dance, Dance, All Over Skyrim

From High Hrothgar to the Guardian Stones! From Dragonsreach to Wolfskull Cave! Where the hell is Dovahkiin? This video by Projectrooster, done in the style of that great Where the hell is Matt? video, asks the same question of our dragon-blooded Skyrim protgaonist. And the answer is pretty much the same: Why, the Dovahkiin is…

By Kirk Hamilton Published May 7, 2012

This Game About Making Coffee is Actually About Making Sweet Love

Coffee is pretty sexy. Especially home-ground, French-press coffee. You heat the water, you grind the beans, you push the plunger. Yes! Yes! Oh, God! Video game-maker of our hearts Pippin Barr, whose last game was based on the oh-so-dreamy Epic Sax Guy, has now crafted a new flash game about coffee, and also about sex.…

By Kirk Hamilton Published May 7, 2012

You’ll Be Able To Recover Crashed Games In The Next StarCraft II Expansion

Say your StarCraft II match ends prematurely, either by crash or lightning strike or murder or whatever. Right now, your only option is to suck it up and start a new game. But when Blizzard releases the expansion pack Heart of the Swarm, you’ll be able to recover a crashed match by loading up the…

By Jason Schreier Published May 7, 2012

My Mass Effect 3 Ending Lasted 34 Hours. It Was Wonderful.

Some called me a sympathizer when I championed the rights of some video game fans who disliked a game’s ending to have it changed. They said I didn’t like the ending, and that’s why I concocted a theory in March about video games as a malleable art that is justifiably tweaked by player and game…

By Stephen Totilo Published May 7, 2012

Welcome to Sportaku

Sports are a huge segment of video gaming. Two to three titles are guaranteed to be top 10 sellers every year, and the list of most popular games being played on the Xbox 360 nearly always includes the most current versions of the major team titles. Why, then, is this genre and its devoted fans…

By Tina Amini Published May 7, 2012

The Trouble With Call of Duty‘s Scary New War of the Future

The future is black, announces the trailer for Call of Duty: Black Ops II The next iteration of the popular first person shooter hardly needs any marketing campaign: immediately after the official announcement, the gaming press diligently started to operate as an extension of Activision’s PR department. Small and big media scrambled to produce the…

Paolo Pedercini, Molleindustria Published May 7, 2012

You Can Now Buy An Xbox 360 For $99 (If You Can Find A Microsoft Store)

The rumored $99 Xbox 360 bundle is now no longer a rumor. It’s live. You dish out $99 up front and commit to two years of Xbox Live Gold at $15/month, you get a 4GB Xbox 360 and a Kinect. (Oh and also you have to buy it at a Microsoft Store. Yes, there is…

By Jason Schreier Published May 7, 2012

Redcoat Takes Arrow To Calf In New Assassin’s Creed III Trailer

The newest clip for Ubisoft’s historical stealth series offers a glimpse of the new environments and weaponry that protagonist Connor will be wielding against the British during the Revolutionary War. This teaser’s only a portion of a full trailer that fans can unlock by liking the game’s official Facebook page.

By Evan Narcisse Published May 7, 2012

The Mexican Ninja is the Chupacabra’s Most Fearsome Enemy

The chupacabra has no idea what’s coming for it, until it’s too late. The tale of the Mexican ninja in this short film is planned for a full-length feature film where we will undoubtedly see many other creepy creatures slashed and gutted.

By Tina Amini Published May 7, 2012