Eugene, Oregon is known as "Track Town USA," thanks to the University of Oregon. Falling well short of that standard is yours truly, slapping the wrong goddamn buttons on Konami's Track & Field, here at the Eugene City Brewery.

Yeah, I tried the old comb trick (here with a knife.) This couldn't have been more embarrassing. My 16 second 100 meters wouldn't make the Eugene High team.

Weekend highlights:

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