Riot released an animated short yesterday that gives a backstory for The Bard, League of Legends' newest incoming champion. Like all things League, the film is very cool. So cool, in fact, that you might find yourself thinking: "Hey, I bet this game has a killer story!" But what is that story? I have no fucking clue.
You can watch the stylish short film below. Give it a look (or several) and tell me if you know what's going on. It's only 3 minutes long; I'll wait.
So...there's a mountain or some sort, and an important crystal ball that first gets The Bard's attention. But...wait a second. What's going on with this battle? Why is everybody killing each other? They don't look like League champions. So what have they done to deserve this?!?!
In trying to make sense of the Bard's backstory, I travelled down an internet rabbit hole chock-full of League of Legends lore. Almost immediately, I noticed I was in too deep. Come this morning, it was officially time to ask for help:
The responses were not encouraging:
Yep, apparently even Riot itself has started to own up to the fact that League of Legends lore is completely and utterly ridiculous. Late last year, the developer even said they were doing a total rework of the League universe's story—not unlike the way they frequently edit the characters within.
For the time being, however, it seems like Riot is still having fun with League's, erm, story. Representatives from the company chimed in on a popular reddit thread that's been trying to make sense of the Bard's origin specifically:
"That is probably accurate." Nice.
"Inter-time-dimensional caretaking guardian reverse Terminator." Um...
Actually, you know what? Screw it. If League of Legends has taught me one thing so far, it's that video game lore is really just whatever you want it to be. Better to let yourself have fun with it than drive yourself bonkers—especially when there are so many other ways to do that already in League.
Plus, who doesn't want to play a game as an inter-time-dimensional caretaking guardian reverse Terminator? I know I do!
That being said, I'm pretty sure that I prefer the fan theory explanation for how Bard came to be.
To contact the author of this post, write to yannick.lejacq@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter at @YannickLeJacq.