For people over the age of 10, this year’s Spider-Man movie re-boot seems to have emerged rather quickly. Wasn’t it just a decade ago that we got the last “first” Spider-Man movie? It was.
Well, technically, it’s been 3,714 days, which is closer to 10 years and two months.
I’d like to tell you when the next 10 Spider-Man re-boots will be:
Spider-Man (re-reboot) – September 3, 2022
Spider-Man (re-re-reboot) – November 3, 2032
Spider-Man (re-re-re-reboot) – January 4, 2043
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-reboot) – March 6, 2053
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – May 7, 2063
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – July 7, 2073
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – September 7, 2083
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – November 7, 2093
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – January 9, 2104
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – March 11, 2114
The only thing more depressing than the prospect of there being 10 more Spider-Man movie re-boots is that I probably won’t be alive to avoid seeing all of them.
There is, of course, some hope. You noticed, I’m sure, that this re-boot happened way sooner than it needed to. Don’t we usually go about 20 years between re-boots and re-makes? At least? We’ve gone 10 this time, which raises the possibility that maybe the Spider-Man movies will be released in the same in some sort of asymptotic, Xeno’s Paradox-style quickening pace, each re-boot happening in half the amount of time as we had expected, regardless of how our expectations happened. If this is the case, the next reboot won’t happen in 10 years (3,714 days, I mean). It’ll happen in 5. The one after that will happen in 2 1/2 years. Etc.
I present to you a schedule of the next 10 Spider-Man re-boots in what we can call the half-life method of movie reboots:
Spider-Man (re-reboot) – August 3, 2017
Spider-Man (re-re-reboot) – February 18, 2020
Spider-Man (re-re-re-reboot) – May 28, 2021
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-reboot) – January 16, 2022
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – May 13, 2022
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – July 11, 2022
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – August 10, 2022
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – August 25, 2022
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – September 2, 2022
Spider-Man (re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-reboot) – September 6, 2022
Oh, I can’t stop that list there.
The next one (the 12th reboot, including this year’s) would be on September 8, 2022. The 13th reboot would be on September 9, 2022. So would the 14th, 15th and the rest of them, Spider-Man re-boots would begin to occur within the same hour, then within the same minute, then the same second. We’d wind up with some sort of Spider-Man movie singularity.
Who’s excited for more Spider-Man?
(This post would have been much harder to write without the date-calculating widgets of TimeAndDate.com.)
