Screenshot: Fortnite Battle Royale (Epic Games)

Yesterday, the German website Playnation.de reported on a rumor that a Gamescom attendee defecated in a bag while waiting to play Fortnite. Today, the rumor circulated further on social media. Despite how badly we may want this to be true, according to Epic, it never happened. Sorry!

According to Playnation.de’s article, other attendees stepped in the poop and smeared it around the hall, and then the ensuing smell caused a child to vomit. The reason why the pooper didn’t just get out of line? To get an exclusive in-game spray, so the rumor goes.

According to Epic Games PR rep Nick Chester, this particular video game convention nightmare did not happen. (Chester declined to provide further comment to Kotaku.)

A Gamescom attendee also said that this story wasn’t true, adding that someone threw a stinkbomb, but no one pooped:

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Kotaku reached out to Gamescom about both the poop and the stink bomb, but did not hear back in time for publication.

The image of someone so desperate to get an exclusive item for a free-to-play game that they shat in a bag confirms so many of the worst stereotypes about people who play games. All gamers are obsessive, unhygienic and inconsiderate of social norms, right? That’s not necessarily true of all gamers, but I’ve been to enough nerd-related conventions to know that things can get weird, and smelly. This story was just one or two degrees away from the actual gross stuff that can go down, like Homestuck cosplayers passing around and spitting in a bucket. Even Chester tweeted that such a story isn’t so implausible at Gamescom.

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In case this is giving any attendees ideas on how to save time while at Gamescom: please, just use the bathroom.