Let’s celebrate San Diego Comic-Con with a property that embodies all aspects of media—comic books, television, movies, video games, toys—and how that can be a really bad thing.

Some people love Konami’s 1989 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES, played here via original Ultra Games cartridge in Hyperkin’s Retron 5. The didn’t mind the harsh difficulty or buggy controls that led to as many deaths as the thoughtless design. They were fine with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle game that only let you play one turtle at a time, completely ignoring a major theme of the property.

I am not one of those people. I remember anger and frustration and disappointment. But it was anger, frustration and disappointment at a time when you couldn’t just hop on Steam or pick up your phone for something else to play, so I played it. I hated it, but I wouldn’t let it break me.

At least not until the underwater bit. Damn this game.

The First Five is the first five minutes of a game with light commentary. Once the five minutes are up, so are we, and we mean it. No exceptions at all. That means you, Fahey.

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