Swinub Is Just Begging To Be Spiral Cut And Honey Glazed

Illustration for article titled Swinub Is Just Begging To Be Spiral Cut And Honey Glazed
Image: The Pokemon Company / Kotaku

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Swinub!

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Swinub Details

Type: Ice / Ground

Average Height: 1' 04”

Average Weight: 14.3 lbs

First Added In Generation II


Thanksgiving is coming up and I wanted to celebrate by doing a Here’s Another Pokemon entry on a turkey-based Pokemon. Well, it turns out that’s not a thing! I’ve been told it’s because there aren’t turkeys in Japan. But I also don’t think there are dragons in Japan, and we got plenty of those in Pokemon. So instead of eating turkey, we will eat some ham. Swinub, come over here. I got an oven for you.

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Look, I know this seems cruel, but I’m assuming that I’m going to have to catch and kill this thing all on my own. So I’m picking a pig Pokemon that is small and can easily be caught and killed. Also, a nice bonus, Swinub weighs an average of 14 pounds, which is a perfect size for a ham!

It will be odd having to remove fur from my ham before cooking it, but it will be worth it. He seems tasty. I’ll probably go with my preferred ham recipe, which uses Coca-Cola and brown sugar. ( I grew up in the south.)

Honestly, there’s not much interesting to say about this poor piggy. It has a powerful nose and it sometimes finds hot springs using its nose, but is that really interesting? Or is this pig just trying to delay the inevitable.

Random Facts

  • If you have never had soda and brown sugar ham before, here’s a recipe I use as a reminder and to help keep each year’s ham consistent.
  • Personally, I put a bit more sugar and soda on mine, but it’s all up to taste. And no, I won’t use Mountain Dew. That would be wasting food. Unless it turned out to be good...hmmm.
  • Swinub and its evolutions are the only Pokemon to have the ice/ground type combo. Speaking of combos, what sides do you folks prefer with a nice ham?
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Best Comment From Last Week

“I was so sad to find out Alomomola had nothing to do with Luvdisc.”

-Legless Legolas’ LEGO Lass

A lot of you were sad and confused about this. I understand though. When I first saw this Pokemon I was 90% sure this thing was at one point a Luvdisc evolution. I wonder if they could ever retcon it as an evolution for Luvdisc? Has Pokemon ever done that before?

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Previously On Here’s Another Pokemon...

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Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend and click here to see all of the past Pokemon we have covered.

Kotaku Weekend Editor | Zack Zwiezen is a writer living in Kansas. He has written for GameCritics, USgamer, Kill Screen & Entertainment Fuse.

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DISCUSSION

Fun fact: The lack of turkeys in Japan is why KFC is such an incredibly popular choice in Japan for christmas dinner. Because there was no way for US soldiers stationed in Japan to get their Christmas turkey, many would go to KFC on Christmas, since it was a readily available way to at least get some sort of poultry. Savvy higher-ups at KFC took this phenomenon and ran with it, positing that KFC is a christmastime tradition. After all, look at all the Americans coming in.

This became the impetus for an incredibly successful ad campaign called “A Kentucky For Christmas”. To this day, KFCs in Japan remain in incredibly high demand for Christmas dinner, eschewing much of their normal menu and encouraging customers to reserve items like whole roast chickens and KFC wine months in advance.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve even tried importing some turkey to sell for Christmas.