So Many Robots Die In The First Five Minutes Of Assault Android Cactus

Aww, look at Cactus. Isn’t she cute? You wouldn’t know just by looking at her that’s she’s a flamethrower-wielding robot-killing machine.

Developed by Brisbane’s Witch Beam, Assault Android Cactus is my new favorite twin-stick shooter. It’s everything I want in the genre—fast action, tactile shooting, edge-of-your-teeth escapes—plus things I didn’t know I wanted, like a team of adorable androids to help clean up a facility overrun with out-of-control robots.

From the game’s Steam description:

When you’re running on battery, make every second count!

Assault Android Cactus is an arcade style twin stick shooter set in a vivid sci fi universe. Junior Constable Cactus is outside her pay grade when she responds to a distress call and ends up stranded on a crippled space freighter under attack by its own robot workers.

Utilising a draining battery mechanic in place of lives, Assault Android Cactus challenges you to think fast and keep the bullets flying, blending the gameplay of western styled arena shooters with aspects of Japanese style bullet hell as you charge head first through transforming stages, massive boss battles and an eclectic cast of characters on the way to saving the day.


It’s so much fun, though they should have really named it Assault Android Starch.

Illustration for article titled So Many Robots Die In The First Five Minutes Of Assault Android Cactus

I love you, Starch. Former Kotaku guest editor Cara Ellison may voice the drill-wielding Peanut, but she doesn’t have a fraction of your class. Call me once you’re finished picking your metal nose.

The First Five is the first five minutes of a game with light commentary. Once the five minutes are up, so am I.


Contact the author, Assault Android Fahey, at or follow him on Twitter at @bunnyspatial

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One of my favorite games to be released in some time. Such a quality time waster. Great to the point design. Wonderful.